I slide my jeans and knickers down my thighs, sit on the toilet, and hold the tube between my thighs in the bowl. I should be embarrassed with having his eyes so intently glued to me, but being alone in any capacity feels infinitely more uncomfortable than being in his company. I don’t know when that happened. When my skin became more perfectly moulded, more contently warm, just in the mere proximity of this powerful man.
I look down at the stick. Holding my breath, I pee on the end. It’s a bit mechanical. A bit dutiful, but… something else, too, like—Significant.I think. Aurora has his ring, his name, but I— I’ll share his children…
It’s still not real yet.
Just a possibility.
Does he really want this?
Oh God, don’t start panicking.
Swallowing, I place the cylinder on the floor with shaky hands. I don’t pull my underwear up in case I have to pee on it again, or it needs more pee, or—I can’t think. Can’t move.
I glare at the tube as though, by damn will alone, I can make that second strip appear. A pretty, positive test, that will make mesignificant, and him… a dad.
Don’t panic.
My eyes widen in my contemplations. He leans down and picks it up, and I follow it. The column is wet, a tiny bit of my pee is on the plastic. He doesn’t care.
Clay doesn’t stare at the cylinder. Instead, his intense blue eyes spear me, the silence stretching under his attention.
I can hear my breathing but not his. Can hear my heart beating in my ears. Feel it a pounding drum in my neck and face. Why aren’t we talking? Why aren’t I talking?
Will he be disappointed if I’m not pregnant?
Disappointed in my body?
I’ve lost a child before.
What if I lose this one?
I always thought I wasn’t made of the right stuff—
“You are better than those thoughts, sweet girl. No matter the result, I will love you. I will keep all my promises to you, and I will fuck you until you are.”
My throat tightens, tears rising.
I anchor myself in his eyes, fighting the pull of the column in his fist, fighting the need to drag my gaze to it. “What if I can’t anymore? That’s a thing, right? Sometimes the stuff inside just stops working, after trauma, after…"
He holds my stare effortlessly. “We will make it happen, little deer. I will fill you every night for the rest of your life.”
“What if I lose him, like I lost the last one.” Panic wins out, rising my voice, “You’ll hate me and find someone—”
“I will do no such thing.”
I fight the pull. “Will you find someone else?”
“I do not want children, little deer.”
My breath hitches. “What?”
“I want children withyou.”
I can’t hold it anymore. I have to look at it, have to know the results. My eyes drop to the testing panel while his stay on mine, and there is— There is—
Therearetwo lines.
I gasp, the choppy sound falling out as the waves of emotions rise like a flood, bursting out of my eyes under the pressure. I’m too full with—