"Do what?
I gasp for air as sobs begin to cripple my body, anger disappearing into a melting pot of despair. "Anything! Live.Breathe!"
He kisses my lips quickly, our mouths coated in my tears. He pulls back and wipes at my face, thumbs moving under my eyes and around my cheeks, but more salty water rains down. I'm helpless to stop them.
Helpless to save him.
Us.
"Are you kidding me?" His brows draw in tight with severity. "You're the fucking boss, Cassidy. You run things for us now. You can doanythingwithout me."
"No."
"Stop saying no."
I squeeze my eyes shut, holding them that way as I shake my head over and over.No.
"Look at me." He tries to pull me back to him, to a place where he breaks my heart. But I don't want to go. Don't want to hear it. Don't want to be a part of this conversation. "You're not just little Cassidy Slater anymore. I'm not sure you ever were. . . You're my girl. Strong. Fierce."
I open my eyes to find his are narrowed and locked on mine, ready to dive straight inside and drag me out and back to a place where I am whole.
I blink tears out. "But. . .I. Need. You," I whisper, each one vibrating out of my heart-broken little body.
He swallows his emotions down again. "Do you know what I need?"
Sucking a big breath in, I try to steady my panic. "I don’t know anything."
"I need you to be my wife."
What?
He kneels on the grass in front of me.
Oh my God, what is he doing?
I cover my mouth with both hands, blinking tears over the top of them.
"I need your last name to be Butcher, so everyone knows you're mine." When he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a ring box, I completely stop breathing. No, no, I don't stop breathing. The air doesn't exist anymore; this moment is so monumental that the atmosphere around us is thick with emotion. So thick that I can't find the oxygen between the fibres of our feelings. He flicks the box open and my eyes widen further.
"It's not a diamond. I didn't think you'd want a diamond after-" He clears his throat. "And I don't want anything dirty touching your perfect fucking hands. It's a ruby. A really rare ruby. I paid for this with clean money, little one.
"Look at the block. That house will take eighteen months, maybe two years, to build. By the time I get out, it'll be ready for us. Ready for us to start our life together."
My heart is being wrenched around, aching with absolute sadness, flipping with so much love. I want to say something. Want to respond. I don't have the words though - they're lost in my mind, smothered by confusion. Am I happy? Sad? Both? Every fricking emotion at once? I can't . . . can't think straight.
"You know who I am," he says with a seriousness and sternness that knots my stomach up with conflicting truths. I love him. More than life. More than anything. But I know who he is. . .Yes."You know what I do. It'll always be a part of me. What I need to know is. . . are you in this with me anyway?"
I find myself nodding. Because I am. I always have been. Then I move my hands away and breathe out, "Yes."
He takes the ring from its satin mould. "Is that a yes to being Cassidy Butcher?"
"Yes."
Standing up, he grazes his finger from my thigh to my wrist. Pulling my little hand out between us, he slides the ring onto my finger. I gape at it. It's big. A deep-red teardrop with sheer cut facets that shine pink, purple, and claret. The band is a white metal - white gold or platinum.
I breathe in deep, the air returning to my lungs like a gift of possibility. Of hope. The wind whirls around me as I stand on our block with his baby in my belly and his promise on my finger. I lift my head up to meet his eyes and can't help myself. I leap into his arms and we pepper kisses all over each other's faces.
And even though he broke my heart today. . .