"Meeeow. Up-the-duff-Cassidy is a mean girl."
I shake my head, smiling for no reason at all. "Sorry."
"So do you want to have Max Butcher's baby?"
Pulling my knees up, I cuddle them tight. "It's happening anyway."
"You could abort," he states with ease. Those words lodge themselves in my throat. Immediately, I look around for Carter, finding him a few metres away. Swallowing hard, I turn back to Toni. "I couldn't."
"What if Max doesn't want it?"
"I-" Realisation hits me. "I can't abort. No matter what. I'm kind of afraid he'll secretly hate me for this, but I still can't. He's still getting used to me and now this?Gawd. Have I ruined his life?"
Toni twists to face me, lifting one knee to the side. "Firstly, you couldn't ruin anyone's life, darlin. Secondly. . . I presume by what you have just said that you haven't told him yet?"
Cringing a little, I shake my head.
His mouth drops open. "Fuckidy fuck. Why not?"
I glance away, staring off into the distance. "I only just found out and last night. . .I didn't stay at his."
He hums with contemplation. "And. . . why not? You've been getting humped by that man-god every night since-"
"Since the attack," I blurt out, "we don’t. I mean we try, but it never ends well."
"Is that why you went home? Is he pressuring you?"
"No. God no." I smile at that truth. "He'd never."
"So. . ." He tilts his head knowingly. "You started to talk and then stopped. Last night what?"
"Last night, Max came to me." Feeling uneasy about sharing this intimate information, I squirm a little with discomfort. I keep Max's secrets. His vulnerable side is just for me; sharing this. . . it feels like I'm betraying his trust. And yet, I need to tell Toni something. I hate lying to him. "He was really tense. Really. . . I can't think of another word. Like, intimidating. . . And he has all these bruises and cuts on his face and he wouldn't tell me the truth about how he got them. I. . . saw-" My eyes flicker with unease. Angry eyes. Scarred skin. Dark mien. "Well, the guy who attacked me had all these scars. And I saw him. I couldn’t unsee it. And I just. . . couldn't be with Max last night."
He wraps one long arm around my shoulders, and I lean into him. "Don't feel guilty. You're allowed to feel however you want to."
"Max said the same thing." I sigh, thinking about how patient he's been. How understanding.
Frick, what is wrong with me?
Trying to rationalise an irrational thing, I say, "He's a lot, you know? And he's gone a lot. He disappears some nights." I laugh contemptuously. "I'm not allowed to know what he's doing. I always feel a little lost in his world. Like I'm in a maze."
"A maze?" he confirms, lifting a perfectly manicured eyebrow that usually only proceeds mockery. "With like a minotaur and a fairy?"
I groan with exasperation. "Yes."
He nods as if he's on my wavelength, but the whole concept is a big joke to him. "Is Max the minotaur?"
Rolling my eyes, I just agree. "Yes."
He grins. "Am I the fairy?"
"Yes," I groan, releasing my knees and rubbing my temples with my forefingers. "Thank you. I'm so glad you could stay on track with this analogy."
"Sorry. Okay, so you're in a maze. I get it. You're lost in the big, sculptured hedges of his being. Isn't the maze exciting though? That's why you went in in the first place."
I smile at that. "Itisexciting."
"Good." He squeezes my shoulder. "Don't let them win. Control those fucking memories. They are yours. Push them aside. Don't let them win, darlin."