"Oh shit," Molly said.
"Yeah." I nodded. "He's like, 'Alice, what are you doing?'
"And I pull the sheet off so he can see me, And his eyes just stare at me. I run my fingers down his back. I reach up, and I kiss him again. And he kisses me for what were the ten most perfect seconds of my life. And I feel his hand on the side of my face as he's caressing me.
"Then he jumps up, and he's like, 'No, we can't do this.'
"And I said, 'But I love you, Foster.'" I cringe as the memory hits me.
Molly stares at me in shock. "No way."
I nod. "Way. I said it, and I did it, and he leaves the room. I'm there just waiting for him to come back, and it's hours. Then finally, I put my clothes on, and I text him, and I say, 'Are you coming back?' And he comes back about five minutes later, and we don't say anything. And he drives me home."
I looked at her. "I've never been more embarrassed, more mortified in my life. So many bad decisions in the span of such a short amount of time."
"Wow," she said. "And you never told Rosalie?"
I shook my head. "I couldn't. How did you tell your best friend that you snuck to a college party? You nearly got raped at the party, that her brother saved me. Then I tried to seduce him, and he turned me down." I shrugged. "It was embarrassing. I felt like an idiot and a fool. I guess that's why I don't want to go there with Foster again. I don't want him to think that I'm trying to seduce him again, or that I'm still in love with him, or I want something, you know?"
"But you got practically naked with him already."
"But that wasn't on purpose," I said. "I mean, maybe in my drunk state, it was. But he liked it this time."
"Alice, he reciprocated. He—"
"If he really wanted me, he would've made a move. He would've told me. I mean, I'm not going to put myself out there again. Not after what happened last time."
"Do you want something to happen?" Molly said seriously.
I nodded. "I mean, I still love him, as crazy as that sounds."
"It doesn't sound crazy," she said. "Trust me. When I was young, I did all sorts of crazy shit."
"That doesn't even come close to some of the shit I did."
"I think you need to let him know, Alice."
"I can't. What if he rejects me again? I'm living with him now. I can't risk it."
"I have an idea," she said. "What about when we go to that charity ball?"
"What about it?" I asked her.
"See if he's giving you the eye, see if he flirts, see if he's open to something, anything." She shrugged. "Make a move."
"I don't want to make a move. And—"
"I mean, you don't have to take all your clothes off again." She laughed. "But let him know that you're open to whatever he's open to and see."
"Maybe," I said. I sighed. "Maybe. But right now, we need to focus on getting a job because I need something in my life to go right, right now."
Chapter19
Foster
"Hey, Foster? Can I see you in my office in a couple of minutes?" Travis stood at my door with a serious expression on his face.
I looked at him, slightly worried. "Sure. Is something wrong?" I stood. "I can come now if you want."