Despite my speech being over, Slade still remains, standing way over by the boundary line, looking as though I just slapped him in the face, and seeing as though I now have nothing to lose. I decide to keep going.
I walk over to my sketchpad and pencils and as I scoop them out of the grass, I meet his eyes once again. “She told me about it the morning I first slept at your place. She didn’t mean to tell me as much as she did but I forced it out of her. I wanted to tell you so bad but I knew I couldn’t. It wasn’t my secret to tell.”
I walk towards him with caution, almost as though he’s a scared animal that could run at any second and when I step in front of him, I take his hands, rubbing my thumb over his bruised knuckles. “Every day I wished she would find the courage to tell you. I know how damn hard it is to share that with anyone, especially someone you love and I’m so damn proud of her finally taking that step and letting you in. Surely you know that it was never my intention to hurt you. I had a decision to make and deep down, you know I made the right one.”
He watches me for a moment, not saying a word as he turns his hand in mine and brings it to his lips. He presses a gentle kiss to the top of my hand and then places it back by my side as though it’s fragile.
His eyes come to mine one more time and then with one painful beat, he turns around and walks away. “Slade,” I call one last time, watching as he looks back over his shoulder. “You’re wrong, I do love you and I’m not going to give up on this.”
His eyes bore into mine and not being able to handle watching him walk away again, I turn and leave, hoping that he has it within himself to forgive me.
Chapter 16
I sit beside Nessa as I stare across the cafeteria at Slade with a heaviness that sits on my heart.
His mom called me yesterday and explained that Slade had finally come around and that they talked. She thanked me for speaking with him and honestly, it was the best damn news I’ve heard in a long time. If only he was able to do the same for me.
Just my luck that the first time I tell a man that I’m in love with him, he tries telling me that I’ve got it all wrong. Who does that? What kind of response is that? I was prepared for an emotional kiss or even the awkward ‘thank you,’ but flat out telling me that I was wrong. Screw him. I know what I’m feeling and deep down, despite feeling that he’s too cruel for love, I also feel that maybe I could be wrong too. Maybe I judged him too quickly.
Slade Cruz is definitely cruel, but that side of him only comes out when he’s trying to protect someone or when he’s been betrayed, and unfortunately for me, I’ve been on the receiving end of both of those situations.
I’ve come to know him pretty damn well over the past few weeks, and I don’t just mean every crevice of his body. Every single day, I find something new about him that captures me just that bit more. The way he plays basketball, the way he always finds my eyes in a busy room, his smile, the way his hands are always fidgeting except for when there’s a basketball in them, then he’s bouncing it.
There are so many little things that pull me in. I’m not going to lie, I’m one of those girls who was first drawn in by his appearance and that sexy alpha ego that surrounds him. I was drawn to the hype and the fear, I was drawn to the way he was able to make me forget the bad and replace it with goosebumps that roam over my skin, but then, he let me in and I was drawn to his heart like a moth to a flame.
It kills me that he compares himself to Lucien Valentine. He’s nothing like him and I could tell him that until I was blue in the face but he’d never believe me. He’s far too stubborn for that shit.
Nessa groans from beside me and I welcome her distraction. Anything is better than this pathetic moping over a big swamp turd who may or may not be oblivious to the fact that I’m in love with him.
“What?” I grumble, stealing my eyes away from Slade’s way too heavy ones, desperate for her to start talking so I can get my mind away from my irritating reality.