Ben walks deeper into my room but keeps a distance. “What was that about?” he questions without his usual chirpiness, clearly annoyed at having been woken in the middle of the night.
“It was nothing,” I tell him, fighting the tears. “I just want to go back to bed.”
Ben watches me for a moment but all I can do is listen out for the sound of Slade making his way through my home and walking out the door, slamming it closed behind him.
Why do I so desperately need to run after him and get down on my knees, begging for things to be right?
I feel as though I’m in some sort of alternate universe because there’s no way in hell I ever thought this would happen. I knew he’d be upset and I knew it would gut him to know that I knew whose blood runs through his veins, but I thought he’d understand. I thought knowing what I went through and having this being his mom meant that he’d be able to see things clearly.
I’ve never been so wrong.
After studying me for far too long, Ben finally nods and steps back out of my room, shutting off the light as he goes.
I find myself drifting toward my bedroom window and glancing out to see Slade crossing in front, heading back home. His palms are pressed to his temples, his head down, and looking absolutely gutted.
“Please look up,” I whisper into the darkened room, desperate to have his eyes on me one last time, but when he disappears out of view, I break.
The tears flow and I climb back into my bed feeling more empty and alone than ever before. For the first time since getting together with Slade, I find my hand slipping under my pillow and latching onto the familiar knife, knowing that tonight, it’ not going to do anything to help ease my fears.
Chapter 13
Nearly a whole fucking week.
I don’t think I’ve ever drawn quite so much in my life. It’s Saturday night and the week has been the worst kind of hell. Slade hasn’t even murmured a ‘fuck you’ to me. I haven’t had his heated gaze on mine, his warm hands holding me tight, his jaw-dropping smile giving me butterflies. I’ve been through all sorts of shit, yet somehow, I’m finding this one of the hardest.
Maybe I was right, maybe I was falling in love with him otherwise this wouldn’t have hurt so damn bad.
Crap. I can’t think about that. I’ve learned a few life lessons over the past few days and the biggest one is that when I think about what could have been, I crumble, each and every time.
Slade has looked miserable all week. He’s started fights with every single prick who stood in his way, he’s knocked out Damian once or twice, he hasn’t shown for many of his classes, especially the ones that I’m in, and what’s more, he hasn’t gone home to his family in a week.
I don’t know where he’s been staying but my best guess is that he’s been with Damian. I’ve had Daniella texting me, checking in and asking if I could keep an eye on Slade but that’s easier said than done. She’s hurting and I feel terrible as my own pain has been clouding my mind that I haven’t been able to be there for her like I should.
It’s been a week since we went to the cops about Lucien and so far, we’ve heard nothing. It makes me wonder if they even took us seriously. Hell, maybe they’re all in Lucien’s pockets. It wouldn’t surprise me; I’ve already learned that the cops in Aston Creek are dirty.
I let out a sigh and look around myself. I don’t know what I’m doing here. The smart thing to do would have been to stay home. I could have gotten lost in my millionth drawing of the way he looked when he said that I’d betrayed him or the way he walked from my home with his head down in turmoil.
I hate that my decision to keep this from him is causing him so much pain. Though, it’s so much bigger than that. This isn’t just me keeping something from him, this is his mom hiding this for eighteen years, this is finding out that he shares the blood of the devil. I don’t know how he’s ever going to come out of this but I wish he’d let me back in. I can help him. I don’t know how, but I know I can.
Music blares around me and the walls practically shake with the beat. It’s the usual end of week party in Aston Creek, currently being held in Rachel Carter’s home. In a perfect world, I would have turned my nose up to this shit and stolen Damian and Slade away to spend the night at the court near my home, shooting hoops while I fucked around on my sketchpad, but here I am, stooping to new lows just so I can see him, if only for a second.