“I’ll take you.” I offer myself.
She kisses my cheek softly. “Thank you, tiger.”
The drive is quiet, but when we get to the office, Juliana takes my hand. “Will you wait in the lobby for me? I still feel ... unsafe.”
I kiss her forehead and pet the dogs. “I’m right here, angel.”
A fact I hope doesn’t change anytime soon.
21
JULIANA
Counseling with Valerie is helpful. I glance at the time and see fifteen minutes left. She watches me with a gentle expression. No pity, no frustration with me for dancing around the subject, just the occasional deep breath.
“I’m kind of ... at peace with my dad’s death,” I admit.
“From what you’d told me, he has been oppressive. No matter the reason behind that, having someone who has been keeping you in one place, squishing you into a shape is hard. When they’re gone, no matter the way, it feels like taking a breath for the first time.”
I nod in agreement. “But then I feel guilty. I’m an orphan now, but I’m happy about it. If people knew that ... what would they think of me?”
“Does it matter?”
“Somewhat. I mean, I’ve already had one hit on me.” I shrug. “Maybe if I don’t act right, another one will appear.”
Valerie nods. “A logical concern. I don’t think anyone could blame you for being stressed or feeling many different things. Grief is powerful.”
I digest that. Is this a kind of grief? Feeling freedom? I feel my face scrunch.
We go in circles about that, me trying to justify I’m not a great person and insisting I’m okay with it while Valerie tries to ensure me I’m a normal human. Then the timer goes off. She turns off a few things, goes over planning our next session, and finally locks the door.
“There are ways to keep a hit from being put on you.”
I blink at her in surprise. It’s easy to forget who she’s attached to. Not to mention I’ve been in my own little world lately. Valerie writes something down. “Talk to Konstantin. He’ll be able to tell you more.”
“Okay.” I draw the word out as she hands me the reminder card for our next session.
“Also, I won’t be available next week. Personal reasons.”
I arch an eyebrow. “Early December. Going skiing with the guys?”
“Something like that.” I see her rub her ring finger.
“Well, I wish you luck with that.”
“And I wish you luck managing the three men that you have.”
“I know how to manage them,” I laugh a little.
But as much as I’ve learned about Max and Gio, what have I really learned about Konstantin? He’s open as hell and is happy to tell me what he thinks, what he feels, what he likes and doesn’t. But he’s never actually talked about his family or his life before we met.
Valerie rubs my shoulder. “The more you learn, the better things get. Take my word on that.”
“You sound certain.”
“I have some experience with it. If what you feel is honest and it’s the same for them, talking with them will only make things better.”
I thank her again and walk out to Konstantin. He rubs my hand and we get in the car. When he starts it, I catch his hand. “Kon ...”