“That’s she’d be happy he’s gone. That she wouldn’t recognize how good he was to me and my brother. I don’t know if I could take that. I’d walk away, lose my temper, say something terrible.”
“Like you would.” I agree. “Don’t you see how far you’ve come? How much you’ve grown up.”
“I don’t think I’ve changed much.”
“You’re still very focused and I know efficiency is your system. At the same time, you’re so much more, Gio. You’re understanding. You take time to listen. You know how to grit your teeth and tolerate something.”
He nods.
“If you want to contact her, do it. Anything she says won’t be on you and I’m right here to help you through it. I’ll hold your hand the whole time.”
“You have a hit on you, babe.” He reminds me.
I shrug. “If I let every potential problem keep me from living, I’ll either have to live with a mountain of Pomeranians or I’ll be the most bitter woman in the world.”
Gio sighs and clutches me closer, his face buried in my neck. “When the hell did you get so wise?”
“Grief does things to us. It’s going to sound terrible, but I don’t think that it’s just bad that we get out of losing someone. We get perspective and do what we can to keep a little bit of that person alive. That’s what I try to do in small ways.”
Gio kisses my neck. He continues down to my shoulder and tugs on my dress. “This is cute.”
“Cute, really?” I huff.
He chuckles and continues stroking down to my hip. “Sexy might be a better word.”
“You’re distracting,” I point out.
“I don’t want to die like my father,” He whispers softly. “Alone, making a bad deal, thinking that no one will miss him or care that he’s gone. Dying for something meaningless and only leaving a business as a legacy. It ... it’s terrifying to think that’s my fate.”
“I would care,” I promise him. “I’d miss you. And you’re not the kind of man who would let death take him if he’s not ready.”
Gio trembles a little. I can see his eyes watering. “All I had to do was care a little more and actually check out the person he was meeting with and I could have stopped him, Juliana. If I just would have told him to wait one day ...”
“Hey.” I climb onto Gio’s lap and hold his face in my hands. “This isn’t your fault.”
“But I could have stopped it. If I would have picked up the phone. If I would have taken five minutes and talked to him instead of putting it off for something as silly as a god damn meeting ..”
A little part of my heart cracks for Gio. I pull his head to my chest as his arms wrap around me. He muffles his crying against my chest while I pet his hair. His shoulders shake as he lets out months of repressed emotions.
He continues telling me he could have stopped it. He could have just spoken to his father. He could have been there and the man would still be alive. The fact that he’s so broken up about his father makes me feel guilty about the way things are with my father right now.
I’m making the old man suffer with radio silence. I’m not giving him a chance to change things. We haven’t had a civil conversation in so long. Maybe I need to make a move to change that. To sit down and explain where we differ.
“I’m sorry.” Gio draws back. “You don’t need all this on your shoulders, especially not now.”
I kiss Gio instead of answering. One kiss, another, and another. He takes a shuddering breath when we part. I wipe under his eyes and feel my chest squeeze. “You have nothing to apologize for. You’re allowed to have feelings and regrets and everything else.”
“Well, thanks for your permission.” He chuckles, despite the edge to his voice.
“I like you for everything, Gio. Every part of you. Except when you give me non-sexy orders.”
“It’s necessary sometimes!”
“Give advice, not demands,” I hint. “But that’s for later. Right now, I’m going to make you something yummy and we can cuddle up and ....”
“And?” He asks.
“Sleep, maybe? It might be good for both of us.”