‘About what you said last night?’
‘Aye, now stay warm in bed and I will be back before you know it.’
He kissed her for a long time, took a moment to stare into her face as if trying to commit it to memory and then his face darkened and he hurried away. Ailsa sat for a while as the room was warmed by the sun and the castle came alive. She felt desolate. She could still feel the imprint of his body and his mouth on her as if she had been branded so she jumped up and throwing on her old red dress and her plaid she followed him out to the yard. When she caught up with him turning his horse to ride out she shouted his name. He glanced back and she saw a stricken look cross his face and then he rode back over to her.
‘Damn it,’ he said, but not angrily. He dismounted and still holding Ares’ reins rushed to her, put his hand to the back of her head and drew her mouth quickly to his. It was a perfect kiss - hard, desperate, passionate, yet almost despairing. It made her heart swell with longing. Ailsa clutched at the front of his rough wool jacket and for one precious moment the noise and bustle in the yard melted away and all she could think of was that she had to hold on to him, her husband, her master, her enemy, her love. He pulled back from her and prised free her fingers.
‘I must go Ailsa but I’ll return to you soon God willing,’ he said in a hard voice. Ailsa looked down at the ground to hide the tears that threatened to come.
‘Ailsa, look at me,’ he commanded. ‘If I should ever not return to you...’
‘Why would you not return?’
‘The Highlands are wild Ailsa as you know and life here is uncertain. We never know what will happen. I want you to understand that if there is ever a time when I cannot get to you or if you are in danger, seek out Rory, he will help you, he has sworn this to me. My uncle cannot be relied upon to act in your best interests so you must go to Rory.’
‘Why are you talking like this?’
‘No reason my love. I have more to live for today than I did yesterday, that is all,’ he said, ‘and you know full well what I mean for you are the cause of it. I am just reluctant to leave my warm wife for a cold ride that is all. I want you safe when I get back so keep your bed warm for me Ailsa.’ ’ He gave her a breezy smile as he mounted Ares and waved goodbye.
Ailsa clutched her plaid around her against the chill of the dawn. Duncan’s words of love had taken her completely by surprise and she had been too stunned to return them for she could scarce believe it. It was a new and delicious feeling to be loved by this wild, tempestuous man. Her chest ached as she watched him go as if something had been ripped out. Was that what it was to love a man, a feeling so intense it was just the right side of pain, a heady mix of anguish and bliss? If that was the case then she was in love with Duncan Campbell and she prayed he would come back soon so that she could hold him quietly in her arms and tell him.
As Duncan and his men reached the damp gloom of the forest he looked back. There was Ailsa, a lonely figure, standing at the gates, her red dress vivid against Dunslair’s dark walls. His feeling for her had made his life a deal more valuable to him than it had ever been so whatever might be waiting on the road had to be faced.
Chapter Sixteen
For Ailsa the next few days passed by slowly, one dragging into the next, though with Duncan’s declaration of love came a new confidence. She owed it to him to try and build bridges with the people dear to him and so she sought out some of the kinder women at Dunslair and unexpectedly their company helped ease her loneliness.
She spent many hours listening to them gossip about the shortcomings of husbands and their plans for their children. Ailsa made an effort to be charming and attentive and soon relaxed in their company as they did in hers. Such turbulent times brought with it fears for the future and she realised that they were not so very different from her after all. They too felt powerless to resolve the dispute with the Sinclairs and dreaded the outbreak of further violence. But when they had exhausted that topic they seized on a chance to interrogate her about Duncan, whom it seemed, had been the subject of juicy female gossip for quite some time.
‘Tis fine that the lad has settled down at last. Oh he was a wild one when he was young,’ remarked Mairi of the bright smile and matronly manner. ‘Aye, Duncan and that scoundrel Rory were the scourge of the taverns hereabouts, Duncan, such a braw lad but so serious and grim all the time and Rory as randy as a spring goat, oft in trouble with Laird Hugh for their fighting and drinking. But of course the lasses like troublemakers, drawn to darkness like bats to a cave.
‘There’s many a mother who had to lock up her daughters when Duncan was at home,’ replied another laughing.
‘And many a husband that had to lock up his wife too,’ said Mairi to hoots of laughter. “Oh but we’ve shocked the lass,’ said Mairi when she saw Ailsa’s face.
‘No not at all. I know little of my husband’s life before we married and perhaps it is best it remains that way.’
‘Aye, you were reluctant to be his bride as I understand it,’ said one.
‘It’s true I had little choice in the matter.’
‘I’m sorry for it my dear and no mother to prepare you for your marriage duties, that must have been hard for you,’ said Mairi kindly.
‘And to be married to a man such as Duncan Campbell with his strong appetites,’ exclaimed another. ‘That must have been quite a shock to an innocent young thing like yourself. Does he trouble you overmuch in that way, abed I mean?’
‘No!’ replied Ailsa, her face glowing hot as the embers in the fire.
‘I’m sure she suffers terribly being so pretty and all.’ Mairi turned to her. ‘Men are such brutes and god knows they have their needs but remember lass, whilst you must do your duty by a husband, if you are clever you can get a lot of your own way by accommodating those needs. My first husband, God rest his soul, would do anything I wanted as long as I let him have his way and told him how skilled a lover he was, while I passed the time imagining I was with someone else!’ There was a burst of hilarity at this last comment.
‘Are we not supposed to enjoy it?’ asked Ailsa feeling a slut for even saying such a thing.
‘There’s nothing wrong with enjoying it lass, as long as he doesn’t see it. That gives him power over you and you don’t want that, you don’t want that at all.’
So marriage was a battlefield, where you used whatever tactics necessary to outwit your enemy and gain the upper hand and Ailsa, unable to hide her desire for Duncan, was losing her battle and not just with her body, with her heart too.
‘Well I am married now, like it or not and I must resolve to make the best of it,’ she said. ‘And if Duncan Campbell tries to get the better of me he shall be in for a fight.’ She received approving nods from the others for this last remark. The Campbells, it would seem, admired a bit of spirit in their women and saw her defiance as a virtue and so she rose in their estimation.
Despite having made some allies at Dunslair she still hated the place, it was oppressive and gloomy. She locked her door well at night and slept with one eye open even though she knew Laird Hugh would never let her be harmed. He was very attentive though she struggled to endure such dreadful company. As the vessel to carry his hopes for the future she was too valuable to let out of his sight and so the days dragged on interminably and she wished Duncan would return.