‘There is no debt for I dearly wish I had not spoken out that day.’
‘You don’t mean that.’
‘I do and I want no name but MacLeod.’
‘Ailsa, please hear me. I promise you this, I will always treat you kindly, I will keep you and your clan safe from harm and I will try, no matter how you despise me, to bring some happiness into your life for, Ailsa, I would see you happy.’
‘You are fooling yourself. I will never forgive what your clan has done to mine and I know that you feel nothing for me. You are doing this to serve your interests and enrich yourself and the Campbells.’
‘So, you are determined to let the weight of your resentment drag this marriage down before it has a chance to flourish’. He took hold of her arm and said passionately ‘When you saved my life tell me you didn’t feel something for me then. Look me in the eye and deny it.’
‘Maybe I did but that was in a very different time,’ she snapped, jerking her arm out of his grasp.
Duncan took a deep breath. ‘Enough of this now. What is it to be Ailsa? Do you agree to marry me?’
She could not find words to reason with him and realised it was probably futile to try. She could not look at his handsome, intent face. Was she to give herself to this man who wanted her only for the power she brought him, a strong vital man who sparked feelings of want and shame in her, whose embrace and kiss threw her heart into turmoil? Could she possibly bind herself forever to a man from whom she must always guard her feelings? Now she would have to go to his bed and let him use her.
‘Ailsa, will you marry me,’ Duncan persisted in a voice of hope and hidden desperation. ‘Will you come to me willingly? And over time, who knows, you may learn to tolerate me and I may learn how to be a good husband. We could even be happy if you would just give this union a chance.
‘Happy! Why do you keep saying that when it is impossible?
‘Are we so very different you and I?’ You are loyal to your people, so am I. Together we can secure a lasting peace and protection against all who challenge us. Come to me willingly and give this marriage a chance.’
She took a deep breath and made her decision. When she spoke her voice was ice. ‘Never willingly but for the good of my clan and my brother, yes, I will marry you, though it is the last thing in the world I want to do. If it weren’t for Robert’s predicament I would throw myself from these walls now to escape such a fate.’
‘Then it’s settled,’ said Duncan grimly. He had hoped to win her round and now that he had failed, wounded pride and the sting of rejection made him harsh. ‘Try not to cling to bitterness and past grudges for they will be cold comfort to you. Despise me if you must, I care not, but we must marry.’
He stalked off, regretting his words, disappointment lurking in his heart where there could have been joy and anticipation. Her refusal to bend to his will made him speak bluntly though he had no wish to hurt her and pitied her predicament. She would serve a purpose and that was all he dared hope for, after all, what need had he of love and affection? Such things were for fools and dreamers and he was far too much of cynic to see life through their eyes.
Ailsa stood rooted to the spot as he left her. Her heart was thumping in her chest, anger warring with fear. ‘How will I do this?’ she thought. She had decided on a strategy. She had heard tales of how a conquering clan treated their enemies once they were defeated. The Macleods would become mere vassals to the Campbells, brutally suppressed and pillaged and left to starve on what scraps were left from their table. Already the people were in dire straits. As his wife she could plead with Duncan on their behalf, she owed her people that much and it gave her a reason to keep her head up and go on.
It would mean dragging her pride in the dirt but pride didn’t put food in empty bellies, it did not keep women and children safe and it would not bring her father back or restore her mother’s wits, nor would it free her brother. She could escape, she was fairly sure she would eventually find a way to slip away from Cailleach to one of her sisters or beyond, but her loyalty and her obligations to the villagers and castle occupants bound her more tightly to staying than any chains or dungeon bars could ever do.
She had a slim hope that eventually the Campbells and Sinclairs would exhaust each other to the point where they would give up their futile feuding or one side crush the other. She could bide her time and wait it out until this happened and then seek an alliance with the victor. She should not act rashly but calculatingly.
True, she loathed the idea of marrying her enemy but peace was often bought in such ways and if she stayed on the right side of him then maybe she could exert some influence. He had made his attraction to her clear and though it may be passing and fickle, it was a small advantage that she could exploit. If she did not marry him then he may choose another who did not have her clan’s best interests at heart and then she could be cast aside into a worse marriage.
And though she hated to admit it, though he was her enemy, there was something about him that intrigued her and that drew her eye to him despite her best efforts to avoid him. He was a fine looking man and any woman would have to be blind not to see that. It helped in some small way that she would not be repulsed by him as a husband; it made the task of deceiving him into thinking her submissive that much easier. She would have to go through with this marriage and Duncan would not be easily misled. She daren’t think on what he would do if he discovered he had been played for a fool.
Having avoided her for several days, on the eve of her wedding, Duncan came to her chamber. He regarded her intently for a moment, an impenetrable look on his face.
‘I brought you this,’ he said curtly. He thrust a dirty sack at her within which something whined and writhed around. She opened it and was confronted by a pair of baleful yellow eyes. Their owner was a scrawny, tabby kitten, ears pinned back with outrage.
‘My men found this wildcat wandering on the moors half starved. It growls and scratches. I doubt it will ever be tame but I thought you might be able to make a pet of it. I thought it might bring you some comfort.’
Ailsa was in no mood to be generous. ‘So you think to buy my good opinion with this.’
‘I don’t seek to buy any part of you. It was kindly meant, take it or don’t, I care not which,’ Duncan replied. ‘If you don’t want it give it to one of the men and they will put it out of its misery.’ With that, he turned to go.
‘I will take it,’ she called after him.
‘Good, for it will not survive alone,’ he said bleakly, turning back to her. ‘And, Ailsa, do not fret about tomorrow. It may seem like the end of the world to you, but it is not, I can assure you of that.’ He looked away from her and was quiet for a moment. ‘You have nothing to fear from me, now or ever.’ Then he was gone.
Ailsa tentatively reached into the bag and picked up the cowering animal gently. Surprisingly, though it hissed, it did not scratch her. Maybe it was too cold or exhausted by the struggle of surviving without its mother. Maybe it recognised in her a kindred spirit who was also frightened and alone. Instead, it held itself rigid against her breast and she could feel its pathetic little bones move against the dirty fur, just a tiny scrap of life which was now her responsibility, along with everything else.
She wondered at Duncan’s surly act of kindness. It did not sit well with her opinion of him and once again he had confused her. She pushed it from her mind and steeled herself for the ordeal of her marriage.
Chapter Eight