“I…I’m so sorry,” she says, her eyes filling with tears that I don’t give a shit about. “I didn’t realize witnessing your parents’ murder was a secret.”
I let out a groan as whispers start filling the hallway, and instantly, without making out their words, I know exactly what’s being said. ‘Poor Skylah,’ ‘How sad for the new girl,’ ‘No wonder she’s such a bitch, she grew up with no parents.’ ‘I’d be a cow if my parents were murdered too.’
I slam the locker closed, getting out only my pencil and notepad and turn to face Maze. I notice Damian behind her paying close attention and from the look on his face, either he didn’t hear what was being said in his bedroom on Friday night or Slade hasn’t filled him in yet, but what he’s hearing right now is news to him and the pity is coming off him in waves.
“It’s not a fucking secret. I just don’t broadcast it because I don’t want any of these dumb bitches’ pity, and that’s exactly what you’ve just done. Now everyone here is going to know by the time lunch comes around and I’m suddenly going to become the local charity case. So, thanks for that, but next time you feel like telling a hallway full of students my business, make sure to say it a little louder so the kids in the back can hear. We wouldn’t want the story getting all twisted when they start whispering.”
“Sky, come on.”
I shake my head. “No, this is a cutthroat world and after the shit I’ve been through, I’ve learned not to waste my time on people who don’t have your back. Loyalty is everything to me, and you…well, you just haven’t got it.”
With that, I barge past her shoulder and straight past Damian who tries to reach out to me only I dodge that bullet like I dodged getting an STD from Marcus Mahony.
I make my way out into the fresh air and start heading down to my art room. As I go, I don’t miss the way that every phone I pass is screaming out with a new text message and despite not having seen any for myself, I know that every single one of those messages is about me.
I barge into my art classroom and Mrs. Miles slaps a hand to her chest in fright. “Oh, Skylah, darling. What are you doing here? School doesn’t start for another twenty minutes.”
“I know, I’m just having a shitty day. I was hoping I could chill out here and work on my project for a bit, but if not, it’s cool, I can head up to the library instead.”
“No, no, don’t be silly. Of course you can stay, but I hope you’re not after conversation because I’m a little preoccupied.”
“No, that’s fine,” I say, giving her a fake smile as the relief filters through me at not having to face the rest of the world. “I work better in silence.”
Mrs. Miles nods and instantly gets back to what she was doing before I rudely came and interrupted her morning. I finally settle in and try to focus on my project, only for the twentieth time since I started this school, I find myself sketching the face that’s becoming far too familiar.
As I work, I can’t help but think back over everything I just said to Maze. I stand by every single word but it makes me realize just how badly I miss that loyalty of a friend. I had that with Luce. She was my everything. Outside of my home life, she was the one I could rely on to turn things around. She always knew how to make me feel better despite me never telling her exactly what was going on at home.
I want that back. If only I had the guts to reach out. If I log onto Facebook and hit her up in messenger, I could probably be tracked. I can’t do anything. Maybe an email would work but she deserves so much more than that. She’ll never understand. She comes from a family that is all about love. Her parents are friends with Lucien and Maria and to them, the sun shines out of their asses. My story will never be believed. To them, I’m probably just some ungrateful child who ran away in spite. If only they knew the truth about the company they keep.
Though, I guess I’m the monster for not talking to Luce about this when I had the chance. I was always too worried, too scared to see what she’d think of me and then years went by and I realized it was far too late to start talking. I was on my own.
What kind of friend keeps secrets and hides their true selves? When I think about it, I’m really a stranger to her. She may have known the girl on the outside, the one with the mask I put on every day before walking out of the house, but I never gave her a chance to know the one inside.