“Who did this to you, Peregrine?” I murmured.
His lids flickered and his eyes dropped. His throat moved as he swallowed.
I traced my fingertips up his jaw, to his scar. Running my touch over the silvery line where it parted the short, stiff hairs of his beard.
“Where did you get this?”
He swallowed, a tendon in his neck tightening. “Do you really want me to unload all my issues on you, Lia?”
I was unsure, but I nodded.
His lids flickered.
“My grandparents raised me most of my life,” he said. “My parents were busy and I was the oldest…old enough to be sent away to my grandparents. My grandfather was an abusive, alcoholic fuck and he decided from day one that I was his nemesis. I never found out what kind of fucked up shit had happened between him and my father, but whatever it was…he took it out on me.”
“He…he did this to your face?” My fingers trembled, tracing the line.
“He was drunk. He held me down and dragged a broken bottle down my face,” Peregrine said flatly. “He said…he said I was lucky he let me keep my eye.”
My mouth was dry.
“How old were you?” I whispered.
“Nine.”
“Oh my God, Peregrine,” I breathed.
“I don’t want your fucking pity, Lia,” he said, lowering his gaze. “It’s not going to fix anything. It won’t fix me.”
I was quiet, my fingers still on his jaw.
“My grandfather fucking hated me,” he said bitterly. “But my grandmother loved me…she left me everything and she didn’t want me alone, which is why she wrote that contingency into her will. The one that said I had to be married to get her money. But my grandfather would always tell her that I was destined to be fucked up…he called me a monster for as long as I can remember. He was physically violent and he did things…shit I don’t want to talk about, Lia. But that’s not the worst part.”
My God, how could there be more?
He tapped the arm of the chair, his jaw working.
“The worst part was that no one protected me,” he said. “I was a child and there were adults all around me that knew this was happening. And not a single person lifted a finger to do anything about it. I tried to tell my father once and he punished me for speaking badly of my grandfather.”
My heart ached, my chest pulsing with pain for him. With trembling fingers, I brushed back a strand of hair that had fallen over his forehead. His eyes darted to me, bitter and golden.
“I will never let our children around my parents,” he said. “They didn’t protect me and I’ll never trust them again. And if I could get custody of Aloysius and bring him here, I would.”
My heart did a strange kind of beat that left me breathless. Our children? I’d never stopped and considered the future with Peregrine. We were a strange kind of husband and wife. The kind that shared a bed, that fucked and enjoyed it, but couldn’t love each other. Surely children didn’t fit into that world.
“How can I help you?” I whispered.
He laughed softly. “You can’t. It’s just my shit, Lia, and I have to deal with it.”
“I want to help you. At least let me take your mind off it.”
He stood abruptly, lifting me and setting me on my feet. “It’s not that simple, Lia. Just because I have a woman with pretty tits on my lap doesn’t mean all the fucked up shit in my head disappears. Go to bed.”
My stomach was a painful hollow as I turned to go toward the door and stopped. He watched me with his head cocked. The base of his throat was flushed, although I wasn’t sure why. Was he aroused? Or angry? Tears gathered in the corner of my eyes and I swiped them away quickly, turning to hide my face.
“Come here.” His voice was husky.
I sniffed, trying to compose myself. Forcing my face into a casual expression. His eyes followed me as I returned to his chair. Stopping before him. Those lean fingers slid up my outer thighs and down my forearms and traced the sensitive palms of my hands.