Trying to tamp down my guilty conscience, I stepped out onto the front porch and lit a cigarette. The air was icy, cutting through my suit, but it was a welcome relief after being inside with dozens of guests for the last few hours. It had snowed heavily during the party and the trees glistened in the dim light.
I wanted to ask myself why I had said I wanted to get her pregnant, but deep down I already knew. After almost a decade of paranoia, I finally had the freedom to get my wife pregnant and the idea was tantalizing. Never would I have imagined that would get me hard, but I had throbbed almost painfully when I’d said that to her while buried in her pussy.
The door behind me opened and Duran stepped out. He was quiet, his black eyes glittering in the light cast from the snow. I could sense his disapproval of my behavior and a ripple of annoyance went through me. He held out his hand and I passed him my pack of cigarettes and lighter. The silence drove on as he put a cigarette to his lips and flicked the lighter, illuminating his face for a moment.
“Thanks,” he said, passing the pack back to me.
“If you want to say something, just say it,” I said wearily.
“Okay,” Duran said, his eyes fixed off the porch somewhere in the dark. “I think you’re wound pretty tight about what’s coming up on New Year’s Eve. And I would hate to see you take it out on your wife.”
I drew in a long breath of smoke and released it out into the icy air. “I didn’t hurt Olivia,” I said shortly.
“There are a lot of definitions of hurting someone.”
“Just spit it out, Duran,” I said wearily.
“Alright, she’s clearly in love with you. She hangs on your every word, she waits around for you to get home every day. If you don’t see the look on her face when you come in at night, you have to be stupid. She and Iris talk and I know her background. She’s fucking sensitive and it would break her to see this…side of you.”
Anger rose in my, sharp and fast. “What side exactly?”
“The side of you that can’t get enough power, that’s obsessed with it,” he said. “The side of you that just fucking steps over the line. Don’t drag that shit home and take it out on her. Don’t use her as a tool against Romano.”
“I—”
“Just listen to me for once, Lucien.” Duran squared his shoulders, planting his feet apart. “I know you’re in a tough position where you need to look a certain way to the rest of the outfit. I realize the stress you’re under. But your wife has to be protected from all of this…from you.”
I wanted to snap at him, to put him in his place. After all, he was a soldier and I was his underboss and he had no right to speak to me like that. But he was right and I knew it. I put my cigarette to my lips and breathed in, holding it in my lungs for a while as I allowed myself to calm.
“Just this once, I’ll admit you’re right,” I said finally. “And I should probably go speak with Olivia.”
“Damn right, you should,” Duran said.
I sighed and flicked the cigarette into the empty pot on the front stairs. I wasn’t sure what to say to Duran, so I just put my hand on his shoulder briefly as I walked past him to go back inside.
But it wasn’t just that I had used her against Romano, or that I had embarrassed her in front of our guests by dragging her upstairs and fucking her. The worst thing I’d done, Duran wasn’t even aware of. The worst thing I’d done tonight was unintentionally insinuate that she’d worn that dress to entice Romano, the man who had assaulted her. Never had I meant to do that and I was willing to get on my knees if that was what it took to apologize.
When I went upstairs, our room was quiet. Olivia was already in bed, her body a tight knot beneath the heavy comforter, just the top of her dark head visible. The guilt was so acute it was almost painful as I stripped off my suit and slipped into bed in my boxers. My side of the bed was cold, but I felt the faint traces of heat coming off her body.
“Are you awake, baby?” I asked.
There was no answer. I rolled her onto her back, but she was fast asleep, her lovely face relaxed. I tugged up the front of her silk nightgown and despite everything, I felt a glimmer of triumph that she was still marked with my cum across her breasts and upper stomach.
Maybe I was an evil bastard. Duran was right—she did need me to protect her from myself.
When I woke the next morning, it was still dark. I rolled over and reached for Olivia out of habit, gathering her against me. Her body was limp and warm nestled beside mine, her ass fitting perfectly against my groin. She would be too sore from what I’d done to her last night to take me now, nor did I think it was a good idea until I’d apologized to her. But it still felt like heaven to rub up against her soft curves.
God, she was perfect and she didn’t deserve the way I’d treated her.
I pressed my mouth to the side of her throat and she stirred a little, but remained asleep. Downstairs, I heard the grandfather clock strike six. I needed to get up and face the dozens of task and obligations I had waiting for me. It was getting difficult to handle planning this coup and my duties to the outfit at the same time.
I dragged my body from the bed and stumbled into the shower. Beneath the hot flow of water, I leaned my head back against the tiles. I needed to do something to make this up to her, but I had no idea what kinds of things women liked. I’d never had to apologize to anyone and I certainly had never bought anyone a gift before.
I dressed in a crisp, gray suit and went downstairs for an espresso before I left for the office. The servants had put the house to rights after the party and everything was clean and orderly as I liked it. In the kitchen, I found Iris sitting at the counter typing on her laptop. She’d had to give up her job on social media, but she still managed to keep up with her anonymous fashion blog and even made a small income from it. Not that she needed to anymore.
“Good morning,” she said, her voice stiff.
Iris had never liked me, but I could tell she was colder than usual today. I nodded and poured my espresso and leaned on the counter across from where she sat. She shifted uncomfortably and pulled her oversized sweater around her lanky frame.