“Oh, you darling girl. Come, come. Sophie, get our guest a nice cup of tea and some biscuits. Thank you, dear. Come with me, Nina. Let’s get you settled so you can breathe a minute.” She patted Nina’s lower back as she gently guided her into a separate office. “Sit in this nice chair, so comfy. You pretend you’re in your own living room. Kick your shoes off if you like and use that soft throw if you need it.”
“I-I…” Gasping, there was a fresh wave of tears.
“Not a word today if you don’t wish it, Nina. Let’s sit together with some tea like old friends, yes?”
“Yes, I’m s-sorry…” Nina wasn’t able to finish her sentence.
“Ssh, darling. Tsk, tsk. Such pain we carry around, so heavy on our shoulders, so heavy on our hearts. No one realizes they can set it down. We strap it to our bodies, you see? Strap it tight so it doesn’t fall off. We guard it like a treasure when it’s really a curse. I like to think that everyone gets to a point where they realize there’s a ripcord on pain - like a parachute. You let it flare out, get big like it has to, get safely to the ground, and let it go.”
Sophie placed a small tray on the table beside Nina. It held fresh tea, a plate of cookies, and a box of tissue.
“Give a call if you need anything, Auntie.”
“You’re a good girl, Sophie. Don’t set a timer today.”
The young woman smiled. “Of course not. Take your time. I’ll read my book while I wait...I’m at a good part.” With that, she pulled the door closed softly.
Nina wiped her face and met Kelley’s eyes. “I apologize.”
“Forfeeling? There’s no need to apologize for wincing at pain. Evenoldpain oozes blood sometimes.” She used a small step and sat in a similar chair on a smaller scale a couple of feet from Nina. “Sophie makes the tastiest biscuits with dark chocolate and almonds. I eat far too many and don’t care even a little. Eat, darling. Sip your tea. Just sit and be. You’ll know when you’re ready to talk. If it’s not today, that’s alright, too.”
For fifteen minutes, Nina stared at a statue beside Kelley’s chair while she sipped her tea and tried to calm a tidal wave of emotion she’d never experienced.
The figurine of a dancer mid-turn, her arms wide, was made of a brilliant white stone with small flecks of black in the grain.
Finally, she met Kelley’s pale blue eyes and set down her teacup. “I’ve hurt others...all my life.”
“Do those moments come back to you often?”
“E-every day, every night. Whenever I’m alone.” Swallowing hard, she whispered, “I try to never be alone.”
Tugging down an identical throw blanket to the one on Nina’s chair, Kelley tucked it around herself and returned to sipping her tea.
“Tell me the story of you, Nina. Every moment of beauty, horror, love, and hate that brought you to a place where you’re ready to pull the ripcord. One word at a time, let’s bring it out, flare it wide, so you can leave it behind you.”
“I don’t think...I can be fixed. I’m irreparably broken.”
“You’re notbroken, darling. Simply bruised up. You have an indomitable will to survive, to keep going. A survivor isbattered...only those who have lost all hope arebroken.”
With multiple starts and stops, stumbling over words, and shedding more tears in her first appointment with Kelley Hawkins than her entire life combined, Nina began her story.
For the first time, she told another person who she was...every dark and dirty piece. She talked for two hours that late afternoon, with Kelley prodding her when she hesitated.
As Nina pressed her hand to her chest, out of words for the moment, Kelley climbed down from her chair and walked to her new patient.
Placing her hand on Nina’s forearm, the psychologist said, “What a spectacular human you are, darling.”
It was the last thing Nina expected the woman to say. “What?” she asked softly.
“Truly spectacular.” She nodded with a smile. “I can’t wait for you to see it. Tell me you’ll come back, darling. We’ve only gotten through a very little bit.”
Nodding, Nina whispered, “I’ll come back.”
Staring at her with a gentle smile, she asked, “Would it be terrible to ask for a little piece of the chorus? I do so love the theater. Isaiah and Ezra created a special chair so I can see over the balcony...such good men.”
Placing her hand over the much smaller one, Nina said, “Only if you sing it with me.”
Blushing, Kelley nodded.