It’s okay if you don’t write me back. I understand.
Love,
Nina
Rowan read the letter three times as tears flowed non-stop. It was painful and she didn’t realize how much she needed the words until she received them.
Wiping her face, she folded up the letter, placed it in her keepsake box, and went to bed.
Staring at the ceiling for hours, she wondered what the only friend she’d ever had was working toward in her adult life.
Maybe one day, Rowan would write her and ask.
* * *
Six weeks later, elated from her acceptance into an exclusive business master’s program, her heart stumbled in her chest as she received another letter.
This time, it was from Gage.
Unable to wait until she was back at her dorm, she chose a bench in the quad and lowered to it as she ripped the envelope.
Dear Rowan,
I can see you soaking up knowledge at school like you always did. I hope you’re making everyone else look bad.
I got your mailing address from Miss Jeffries. She asked me why it took me so long to ask for it.
Guilt. Plain and simple, Rowan.
Nina wrote me a while back. Part of her therapy is making amends and she apologized for chasing me back then. Said she told you the same.
It wasn’t her. It was all me, desperate and dick dumb. She didn’t try nearly as hard as she probably told you she did.
I’m ashamed to say, it didn’t take much. I used her because I could. I used her because I told myself it would all be okay in the end. I used her because I was weak and a coward.
Grown ass man led around by his dick. Old enough to know better, hard enough to ignore it.
I think about you every day. I’m not telling you that to make you feel bad or try to excuse what I did. There’s no excuse for what I did.
I rambled a lot of nonsense at you when you showed up that night and you might think I was talking out of my ass to try and get in your pants. I wasn’t.
When I said I loved you, I meant it.
I hurt you bad, Rowan. I know that. The last thing you said to me in the woods haunts me. I don’t want what I did to keep you from loving somebody else that deserves you.
I’m sorry. Deeply, deeply sorry.
You take care of yourself and show all those snotty trust fund babies I know you’re at school with why you got a full ride to one of the best colleges in the country.
You’re beautiful, brilliant, and my greatest regret. You ever need help from my dumb ass, you let me know. I wouldn’t mind seeing your pretty face again...as the friend I should have been to you all along.
Always,
Gage
For an hour, Rowan stared at nothing, his letter in her hand. Her mind and heart in chaos, she finally managed to pull herself together.
Standing, she walked to her dorm, put the letter in her keepsake box, and went to grab dinner before her shift started at the bookstore.