It was just a motelroom.
It was just a motel room.
There was no need for her to be on the verge of a panic attack overa motel room. In fact, she felt absolutely fine about the motel room, because the alternative would be ridiculous.
Iz was already worried that she was too inexperienced and inadequate to be a good mate to Logan, who deserved someone as brave and strong as he was, and she was acutely aware that he might be worried about that too. He would be even more worried about it if he knew that she was freezing up at the thought of the two of them spending the night in separate rooms.
But ....
But there would be a wall between them. Arealwall. As hellish as Sebastian’s zoo had been, Iz had always been able to see Logan through the bars. Even when he had bad days and retreated inside himself, she’d still known that he was there. He had been her anchor, the one reassuring sight that had never failed to make her breathe a little easier. And back then—most of the time, anyway—she’d even been able to touch his mind with hers and feel him justbeing Logan. The sense of his goodness and care was like a radiator down in the chilly gloom of the cave, giving off enough heat to keep her warm.
Now she was locked inside her own mind, with no way of reaching him and no way to sense his presence, and she wasn’t going to be able to see him.
She was going to have to go to sleep in a dark, Logan-less space. She wouldn’t know that he was safe. She wouldn’t be able to look at him if she woke up with fear tightening around her chest like a vise.
She didn’t know how she was supposed to deal with that.
Or, for that matter, how she was supposed to deal with the fact that she had, sometime in the last few weeks, turned into a coward. She had never lived with this kind of fear before. It made her sick to her stomach.
“Well,” she said, and then stopped.
She sounded like someone trying to say good night at the end of an awkward date, and that wasn’t how she wanted to sound at all. He was her mate! Being with him was supposed to be easy! It had always been easybefore!
She had the distinct feeling that Cat was turning his head against her wrist to avoid watching all of this. Even her air-snake was embarrassed for her.
“Well,” she tried again.
At the same time, Logan said, “I guess this is good night?”
Cat wasdefinitelycovering his eyes. Even Nathaniel looked like he wanted to duck under his wings to hide from all this.
“Yes.” In an act of desperation, Iz knelt down on the scratchy concrete. “Well,” she said for the third time, “good night, Nathaniel,” and she wrapped her arms around the dog and buried her face in his fine, soft scruff. “Take care of him for me,” she whispered into his ear.
He licked her cheek:Message received.
“And good night to you too,” she said, standing up. Her smile felt too big for her mouth, like she’d drawn it on all clownish and outsized. Her lips hurt. She hugged Logan, too, but she didn’t hug him half as tightly as she wanted to.
She could be wrong—shewantedto be wrong—but she thought there was something tentative about his return embrace, too. She could feel tears building up behind her eyes, making a hot blur.
“Good night!” she said yet again, and she fled into her motel room before she could make the situation any worse.
Cat uncoiled from her wrist the second they were inside. He slithered up through the air and looked at her pointedly.
Even with beady, expressionless snake eyes, it was hard not to read that look as incredulous.
“I know,” Iz said, pitching her voice so it hopefully wouldn’t carry through the door or the wall. “You know, it’s probably much easier for you. You probably just do some kind of mating dance.”
But what couldn’t be easier, she supposed, as Cat resignedly wrapped around her wrist again and settled into place, his cool head against her pulse point, was dealing with the aftermath of imprisonment. Cat had suffered through that just like she had. Andhisclosest companions throughout it all had been his fellow air-snakes, and he had willingly let them go on without him so that he could stay with her. For reasons beyond her understanding, he’d chosen her.
“Thank you for that,” she said softly, going to fetch the pajamas Evie had left for her. “For sticking with me when you could have gone wherever air-snakes go. I might be lonely tonight, but I’m glad I have you.”
“Hiss,” Cat said, somehow implying that anyone would be glad to have him, as he was an excellent creature to have.
Iz had been right about the pajamas. They were ivory-colored silk, and they closed with tiny pearl buttons. Dragons had good instincts and considerable cultural training when it came to assessing quality, and Iz could identify top-notch silk and real pearls with no problems at all.
This was extravagant nightwear for someone on a marshal’s salary. She wondered if Evie also had family money. Itdidmake sense for spiders to be involved in the silk business—
A yawn interrupted that thought, and Iz didn’t try too hard to get it back. It was sweet of Evie to lend her the pajamas, and if Iz nosily wanted to find out more about her family, she could do it some other time.