It was confusing at first, but after hearing about his cousin and what was going on last summer, I understand it now. It has me wanting to do the same.
I want to reach out and know about his life now, I want to check in with his parents who were always so great to me while we were dating, I want to see his dog, Roxy, and scratch her belly because I know that’s exactly what she wants.
More so, I want to be a part of his life. I want to know him like I used to and be that girl who could take all his worries away.
I want to love him.
I want it all.
Shit…
I want him back.
How could I have been so blind for so long?
I’m in trouble.
What am I doing? I need to see him.
Without taking a second thought, I race through a quick shower and grab my things. I’m out the door before I even fully understand what it is that I’m doing.
I get to Maxen’s place in the span of twelve minutes and as I pull into his driveway, I realize that I have no idea what I’m supposed to say. Do I tell him that I forgive him and want to make it work? No, I can’t do that because honestly, I don’t know if I do forgive him. All I know is that I want him in my life despite having no idea how I plan on achieving that. Maybe we could start as friends and work our way up to something a little more.
Hell, this could be a really bad idea.
Am I just opening myself up to be hurt again? This is the guy who so unforgivingly cheated on me in high school. Am I a fool for even considering this and a bigger fool for thinking that he’s changed?
As I push my way out of my car, a bang of a door catches my attention. I glance up to find Maxen walking out the internal door of his open garage, completely oblivious to my being here.
I close the door of my car and the sound has him looking up. He pauses mid-step, slightly shocked to be seeing me standing here in his driveway. “Ummm…” he starts, catching himself and walking toward me with concern lacing his features, making me want to run into his arms and kiss him. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I…um,” I say, sounding like an idiot as I force myself to start moving my feet. “I just wanted to…um.”
“Brooke,” Maxen says, placing his hands on my shoulders as he reaches me, his touch pulling me out of my head and forcing me to stop over-thinking things. “What’s going on?”
“You were gone,” I tell him, knowing I don’t need much more explanation than that.
He raises a brow, seeming a little unsure of himself. “Did you not want me to go?”
“I did,” I wince before letting out a breath. “No. I mean, I don’t know.”
Shit. I sound fucking stupid right now. That’ll teach me for running into situations without a fucking plan.
Maxen’s hands trail down my arms, sending shivers all over my skin as he steps in closer. “Are you okay, babe?”
I look up into his dark eyes and shake my head.
“Is it because of Lukas?”
I shake my head again, moving in closer and placing my hand against his chest, right where it belongs.
Understanding dawns in Maxen’s eyes and to be honest, it scares the shit out of me. It’s one thing for me to know what’s going on in my head, but letting him in there too is terrifying.
Max drops his face to mine before running his knuckles down the side of my cheek and unintentionally making me tilt my head into his touch. “Do you want to talk about this?” he whispers. “Anything you need, baby. You know I got you.”
My heart flutters as his other hand curls around my waist and pulls me in tight. Maxen and I never had any issues where it came to being physical. He was easily the best I’d ever had and taught me a whole lot of shit that simply blew my mind. Hell, I thought I was experienced before Maxen came along, so I guess that now makes me some sort of pro.
I raise my chin and look into his eyes. “I don’t know what’s happening,” I murmur, never so unsure of myself in my life. “I can’t explain what’s going on inside my head right now and I have no idea why I’m feeling like this. Trust me, if I could make this stop I would, but I just…I can’t.”
“Brooke,” he whispers.
“No,” I shake my head. “Please. Don’t make me talk about this. I’m not even remotely ready for that conversation.”
“Okay,” he promises. “But just know, I’m all fucking in, babe.”