“Beretta, please! Fuck. Just wait!” I try to take the phone out of her hand, but she glares at me as she pushes my passcode in and swipes the screen open.
Why the fuck didn’t I change my password. It’s been the same since I was with her.
It’s the first day we started going out. I used to joke that I didn’t want to forget the anniversary, but really it was because that was the happiest day of my life. Getting with her.
After we broke up, I never thought to change it. I trusted Beretta, and there was never anything I needed to hide. Never anything I was scared she’d see.
Nothing except the date. Today’s date, to be exact.
She reads something on the phone, and the wail that leaves her mouth as she drops the phone to the ground tells me everything I need to know.
Sheknows.
I want to comfort her, want to be with her right now, but every time I move, she hits me with another death glare. She cries alone, rocking back and forth. Distraught.
Every so often, another fact slips from her mouth.
“Giada was missing . . . they beat me . . .I don’t live here . . .” All the lies that I’d been perpetuating over the past few weeks going up in flames right in front of my face.
My chest hurts to watch her go through this and know that I’m partially to blame. Finally, after what feels like forever, she sniffles one last time and stands up. She crosses her arms over her chest and stares at me.
“You will not fucking lie to me. I swear on my life if you do, I’ll leave here, and you’ll never fucking find me again. I don’t care who I leave behind,” she snarls, and I can only nod.
As if I could really lie to her right now.
“I was attacked by someone going up against the club?”
“Yes.”
“That’s when I lost the baby. Ten, no eleven, years ago?” Her eyebrow cocks up, and I nod again.
“You left me. In a matter of days, I lost not one but two of the people I loved most in the world. Now instead of telling me the truth, you’ve been lying to me, tricking me into thinking that you didn’t walk out of my life when I needed you the most. You played me!” she screams at me, and I shake my head.
“No, I didn’t.” I run a heavy hand over my face. “God, Beretta, I promise you. I never meant to play you. I knew how much it hurt to lose Lily, how much pain. I didn’t want you to go through that again.”
“Alone, you mean. I went through it the first time alone because you were too much of pussy to stay with me,” she snarls, and I look away, not necessarily enjoying the names she’s calling me, though I can’t find any fault in her words.
“What the fuck did you think was going to happen when I got my memory back? Did you think everything would be good? Did you think I’d just forgive you for doing this to me again? That we’d ride off into the fucking sunset?” Her voice is lower now, dangerous and seething.
“We’re good! Everything is good between us right now, Beretta. We’re back on track. I love you, and I don’t want to lose you again. I was a fucking idiot back then. I thought I was doing right by you by letting you go. I thought it would keep you away from all the hurt I know my club brings. I had no idea that you felt the same way for me as I do for you. When the doctor told us you’d lost your memory and that we should go along with what you were thinking, I saw this as a second chance. A way to prove to you that we can have everything that we ever fucking wanted. I didn’t think . . . I didn’t mean to fucking hurt you, Beretta.”
She stares at me silently for a few moments. I’m assuming she is processing what I’m telling her before she opens up and snaps at me again. “You took the easy way out.” She shakes her head, and I’ve had enough. I know I screwed up. Now and a decade ago. I’ve screwed up so many times, but there’s nothing about living a life without Beretta that was easy.
I take a large step closer to her, ignoring her glare.
“You think this was the easy way? You think I wasn’t dying on the inside without you? My entire fuckin’ soul needing something I already had but was so sure I’d never have again? You think it’s easy watching you and not being with you?” I step closer into her space, and I see just the slightest hint of want in her gaze. She’s mad, but my girl is still buried somewhere under there.
I see her for a moment until it’s gone.
She steps away from me and shakes her head hard. “Yes, it was easy for you then. You had this club. You had your family. I was alone. And here I am again, left out in the fucking cold because you decided for me that I needed to hear lies instead of the truth. What we had, what we were, meant nothing to you.”
I watch her shove her legs into some pants and pull on a shirt. Fuck, she’s going to leave.
“Don’t say that shit. You know it’s a fuckin’ lie. We were here together the past few weeks.”
“No, what you had was the old me. The one that didn’t know how badly you are capable of hurting me. Twice now, you’ve ripped my heart out. The old me was madly in love with you. Sweet and innocent. Me, the one I am today, knows you’ll never fucking change. You’re selfish, and all you want is what’s fucking convenient for you. I hope you got your fill because you’re never going to see the old me again.”
She slips her shoes on and rushes to the door.