“I’m pretty sure they would have been happy with a bone,” I grumble. She just laughs at me and takes the animals inside.
“What the hell is going on out here?” Chuckles walks up and bends down to help me with the ocean of bags I have to get inside.
“We got her a dog.”
“A dog? Because that looks like she just walked in with two, and this is enough stuff to take care of a litter.”
Chuckles laughs at me, and I feel like kicking him right in the dick. Nothing like a good ribbing to make me feel like more of an ass.
“Shut the fuck up.”
“I’m not saying anything. I love dogs. But . . . I thought you two were going to the doctor?”
“We did.” I clench my jaw and look around, just to make sure Beretta hasn’t somehow snuck back outside. I don’t want her to hear me talking to Chuckles about our personal shit, but I just need a little validation that I’m not out of my mind crazy. “She asked the doctor about trying to have another baby.”
The smile drops off Chuckle’s face, and he tilts his head, “You don’t want that? I’m sorry to tell you, man, if you think a dog is going to take the place of a—”
I cut him off immediately, “No, I know that shit. I’m not an idiot, but I was hoping that if she did have something to occupy her a little, something to take care of besides herself, it wouldn’t stress her out so much while we try to get pregnant.”
His eyes go wide.
“What?”
“You just said you’re trying to get pregnant, so that’s actually happening?” Chuckles is way happier about this than I thought he’d be.
“Well yeah, man, if that’s what she wants, that’s what we’re going to do.”
“Shit, I never knew you to give an actual fuck about anyone’s feelings except your own.”
For the second time today, I want to kick him in the fucking dick.
“Shut up, help me get this shit inside.” He laughs, and we walk in. I see that the inside of the clubhouse is being transformed.
“What’s going on?”
“Oh, we’re having a party tonight. The guests should be here soon. It’s a small event, but you know things can get crazy.” He smiles and drops the bags off in my room.
I don’t know if things getting crazy is what Beretta needs right now. What if something she sees here tonight triggers her, and she breaks down again? As everyone else walks around and gets things ready for the party tonight, I realize I can’t stop living because something might set her off. I need to just make sure I’m around if that is to happen. I know back in the day she used to love parties. She likes to watch. If it’s fun for her too, maybe it won’t be so bad.
* * *
Three hours later, the party is in full swing, and I haven’t stopped moving since Beretta and I came home with our dogs. She’s busy with them, and I even heard her laughing at one point when the bigger dog, Hattie, learned how to sit.
She did it once out of like a million times, but she did it. I don’t care if the dog lay on her side and just stared at the wall. If it makes Beretta happy, then that’s all that matters. Now the party’s in full swing, and there’s no reason for me to be downstairs. There are a few women who already came up to me to find out if I wanted to play, but I’m not interested in the least.
I have all the woman I need right upstairs. I checked in my room first to make sure that Beretta was in there. I saw her walking around earlier, but she didn’t seem too stressed out about what was going on. In fact, she came to the bar area and got a drink while I helped finish the set-up. It bothered me that I couldn’t stop what I was doing to tend to her, but I didn’t want her to feel like I was just being overbearing.
She’s an adult. She can get her own drinks. In my room, I only see the dogs playing with their new toy rope. Both of their heads pop up when I open the door to the room. They stare at me for a second before going back to the toy.
“Don’t worry, girls, you just laze around. Where’s your mother?” I ask them, even though I know they aren’t going to answer me. I close the door and look out around the crowd. I don’t think she’s in any of the rooms. She knows what goes on in there.
Doesn’t she?
Suddenly, the thought that Beretta could be wandering around without really understanding what’s going on here strikes me, and I’m rushing into rooms, not even caring they’re in use. When I don’t see Beretta after three rooms, I get even more worked up.
“Hey, you okay? Do we need to call a code or something?” Iris stops me as I rush to get to the other side of the room.
“What? No. I can’t find Beretta, and I don’t know if she knows what’s happening. I didn’t think about it.” I clench my teeth and squeeze my hands into a fist. It’s the story of my life. I’m not there when she needs help. It never fails.