Liar. Adrian was unstoppable, but regardless of his form, I couldn’t watch him fight. It took two weeks before I allowed him to come near me after he massacred Jax’s face. Seeing him throw the punches with such precision summoned memories of every time those punches were aimed at me.
Nick brightened up and took the laptop from Amelia, setting it on his laps. “Can you stream it for me? If I remember right, the last time I watched you fight, the guy didn’t hit you once.”
Adrian shrugged, looking at me with a smile. Mel’s eyes widened. She was looking in the direction of the living room door, and I just knew that Thomas arrived with his new girlfriend—a tall, blonde, blue-eyed model material for sure.
“When you’ve got your girl in the audience rooting for you, you won’t let some asshole mess-up your face, man,”
“Then it shouldn’t be any different now,” Nick chuckled, but his smile slipped when he noticed whatever Amelia was looking at. “Listen, I’ve got to go, but make sure I can watch the match, okay?”
“I’ll ask Nadia to face-time you on Saturday.”
Adrian didn’t understand that I had no intention of attending the match. He closed the laptop after Amelia offered me a small wave. I walked over to the kitchen to get a glass of juice. Anything to avoid talking to Adrian about Thomas. I was sure he had questions, but Ty wasn’t home yet. Holding a conversation full of triggers while we were alone wasn’t a good idea. Adrian wouldn’t hurt me sober, but I was scared that he would run to find his dealer if I said too much.
“You’re afraid,” Adrian stated, leaning against the kitchen island.
Either he mastered the art of stealth, or I was too preoccupied with my own thoughts to notice that he moved from the couch.
“Worried fits better.”
He let his head hang low and ruffled his hair. “Don’t be. You left Thomas to come here. I understand why you want to know how he is.”
I took a carton of orange juice from the fridge, overthinking my next sentence.
“You’re not jealous?”
Adrian smirked. “Insanely as always, but I told you I’ve changed. You keep saying you’re only here to help me out of the shit I’m drowning in, and as much as it hurts, I have to accept it. Otherwise, I’ve got no chance of winning you back.”
He rounded the island, and placed his hands on my hips, pulling me in for a hug. There was something about the smell of my hair that Adrian adored since the day we met. It seemed to have a calming effect on him… right until PCP. High Adrian couldn’t be calmed down.
“I love you, puppet. I want nothing more than to see you happy. The trouble is… I’m selfish. I won’t tell you to leave because I’ll always hope that if you’re here long enough, you’ll change your mind. We could go back to the way things were before I started using.”
I stepped away from him and took a packet of cigarettes from the counter. There was nothing left to say. Nothing he hadn’t heard before. We held similar conversations on regular basis, and the longer I stayed in New York, the more I realised that we were once again stuck.
Last time, I stayed hoping he could stop using. Now I refused to leave because I was scared that he would start again. He came a long way since the day he was admitted to rehab, but he was still lost.
My fear subsided every day; the scars started to fade, but something James told me back in London echoed in my head when I wondered if me and Adrian could make it work.
“Don’t fall for it, Nadia. He’ll be an addict for the rest of his life. Don’t let him trick you into taking him back. You’ll live in fear forever.”
He was right. It took as little as Adrian overhearing me ask Mel about Thomas for fear to rear its head from the depths of my subconscious. Whenever Adrian outstretched his hands to hug me, a traumatized girl inside screamed. Our future was buried the second he hit me for the first time.
Since that day, all I did was care for and protect everyone but myself. Now, looking back, I understood that I refused to tell Nick or Thomas the truth because they would move heaven and earth to stop me from coming to New York. I guess deep down, I knew that day would come.
Just like I knew that I had to pack my bags and leave soon if I wanted to live a normal life.
A simple, seemingly innocent question danced on the tip of my tongue. I took a deep breath, finding courage to say the words.
“Will you let me go if I ask?”
Silence rang in the air for the longest time. Adrian watched me as if calculating his options, as if looking for the most diplomatic answer, but when he opened his mouth, something I hadn’t expected left his lips.
“I hope you won’t ask, but if you can honestly tell me you won’t ever be happy with me, I’ll let you go, puppet.”
I walked out to the small terrace, motioning for Adrian to follow. We sat on the bench, watching the sun set over New York City.
“I used to love that nickname,” I said, resting my cheek on my shoulder. “It was adorable, because it was just ours. It reminded me of our first date, and our first kiss…”
“I remember. I couldn’t sleep for days, wondering how you tasted.”