He manipulated me from day one, and his skills grew stronger over the course of our relationship. He mastered them to the point where when the tables turned and he should have been the one to depend on me, I was still at his mercy, blinded by the need to reciprocate.
I never fully recovered from my father’s death. Adrian’s addiction overrode the mourning, pushing it to the background. The gaping hole in my heart was still there, covered by Adrian’s abuse and my fight to show him the way.
No, Adrian never healed me.
He planted a seed, an idea of life without pain, and nurtured it enough to keep it alive but not enough to make it grow.
Thomas was the one set on walking the distance. Time and time again, he opened my eyes to things so blatantly obvious that I was ashamed not to have noticed them myself.
“I see you changed your mind.” Thomas motioned to the painting behind the sofa.
“Face your demons.”
“It’s a matter of perspective. What do you see when you look at it?”
“A girl who gave up. A broken, scarred mess.”
Thomas shook his head, taking a seat. “I don’t see you giving up, baby doll.” He turned to the painting. “You know what I see? I see how strong you are to fight despite everything that’s tormenting you.”
I considered his words, my heart swelling. How did he know what to say and do to turn my world upside down? Until that moment, I saw myself as a victim, but the truth was that I was a survivor.
I was too vulnerable to see through Adrian’s ploy, but since Thomas took residence in my heart and his strength cleared my head, I saw Adrian’s manipulative skills for what they were.
Still, I believed that he could get better, and that this time, he was over his addiction. Even knowing that he manipulated me since day one, I couldn’t shake theideaof him. His presence was embedded in my very being, making me long for the pure, unconditional love he offered. Adrian might have been cruel, but he lovedme for who I was. He didn’t once try to change me. He worshiped my flaws, cherished my issues and taught me how to depend on him for support.
He was the impersonation of everything I needed in the moment of my greatest downfall, nothing but a sweet smile on his lips and glint in his eyes. He breathed life into me, forced me to bathe my sins away.
“Trust me, Nadia,”he whispered, caressing my cheeks. “Trust me, baby. I’ll take care of you.”
I hadn’t felt that way before. His kisses, hugs and late nights spent talking pushed me tolive. To live forhim,for the smiles and jokes that increased the capacity of my lungs.
That was until he left me drowning in the pool of my own tears…
For a few short weeks, I thought I killed the feelings he evoked, the feelings that put him in the centre of my world.
Thomas took his place. He showed me that how I dealt with my father’s loss was wrong. I shouldn’t have relied on Adrian to make mefeelwhole. Thomasmademe whole with his words, actions and sheer belief. He believed in the strength of my character. He pointed me in the right direction, instead of keeping me in the dark while he took care of the problems. He wanted me to grow. He wanted me toheal.
Instead of shielding me from pain the way Adrian used to, Thomas let me face my fears. He stood beside me, ready to reinforce my courage the way he did when Karen arrived at Nick’s house the morning of the wedding. If Adrian were there with me, he would tell me to take a break, have a cigarette or see how Amelia was doing while he dealt with Karen himself. He would protect me from stress and confrontation, because his mission was to make me reliant: incapable of fighting my own battles.
Thomas was the opposite. He let me face Karen, and he stood beside me in case I needed him. He trusted me to handle the situation.
I glanced at the clock, polishing the last of Carbonara from the plate. Amelia expected my call five minutes ago. I grabbed the laptop and started a video call.
She answered within seconds, the green back wall of their living room a dramatic contrast to her red hair.
“Finally!” she exclaimed, raising a glass of wine for me to see. “What are you having?”
I showed her the bottle of tequila Ty bought a few days earlier. We had a few shots on the odd evening, talking until the morning. Adrian usually stayed up with me until the movie we watched ended, then turned in for the night. Ty waited for those moments. As soon as Adrian closed the door to his bedroom, Ty appeared in the living room, concern in his eyes and posture. It was comforting to know that regardless of my mental state, he was around, ready to help.
“How are you?” I asked Mel, pouring myself a shot.
A warm blanket hugged my knees, and Dermot Kennedy played from the speakers on Ty’s ancient stereo. It took him two days to figure out a way to pair it with my phone.
“We’re good. Nick’s pushing for babies, but I don’t think it’s a good time to get pregnant. The label is booming. We signed a band that’s amazing. They’re already topping the charts, and I can just imagine the crowds of fans stalking their every move.”
She sipped on her wine some more, then took a moment to stare at me, her eyes growing heavy with disapproval.
“You’re still too thin, babe,” she said. “Do you even eat?”