“Oh, nothing.” She waves her hand in the air as if to push away her problems. Thing is, her issues are as high as Mt. Everest and they’re not going anywhere.
“Clearly, it’s not nothing. I know you. You’ve sighed three times since I’ve sat down. What’s going on?”
“Well, since you asked . . .”
I roll my eyes, fully aware she’s watching me. She does this every time she has news— whether it’s good or bad. She’s like to be dramatic. “Jerry came by today and dropped off a letter. He’s sold the park to some developer, and we have to move.”
“What?” I bark out. “Why are you being so nonchalant about this?”
She shrugs. “I didn’t want to bother you with it.”
“Are you serious, Mom? So, you’re going to what, just hide it from me?”
“You have school and the team.” Mom starts to cry, making me feel about two feet tall. I reach for her hand.
“Mom, you, Ally, and Lacey are the most important people in my life. I care about what happens here, even if I’m not living here. I care about what happens to you. It’s why I come see you every day. It’s why I make sure you guys have food and the lot rent is paid, and your car has gas. I’m your son, I’m always going to look out for you.”
My words bring a wave of tears, and she buries her face in my shoulder. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t afford any other place. I looked earlier and apartments are so expensive.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll figure something out. Does Jerry’s letter say how much time you have?”
She nods. “It says all the permits, and such will take at least six months to finalize.”
They have at least six months. I can work with that. It won’t be easy, but it’s better than thirty days. Mentally, I start a checklist in my mind. We are going to have to talk to the bank and maybe even a lawyer, although those cost money. I don’t know what the laws are with evicting people from their homes without cause, but I’m going to have to find out.
It would be nice for the three of them to come live with me in the house, but not with the others living there and there is no way I can afford to pay the rent by myself. Everything Ally earns goes to take care of Lacey, and my mother is so in debt she works to keep the bill collectors away.
While my mom and I are sitting on the deck, Jerry walks by. “How’s the team this year?” he asks.
All I can say is, “Fuck off.” He needs to know I’m pissed. He’s been a piece of shit park owner my entire life and has never put a dime back into the upkeep of this place, and the minute some developer comes calling, he sells. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. Last year, I put his name on the list for tickets, but you can bet he’s not getting shit from me. Unless I meet him in a dark alley somewhere.
The situation my mom and sister are now in hits me like a ton of bricks. I’m going to have to find a way to make some more money so they can move or I’m going to need to quit the team, drop out, and get a real job, something that pays enough to put a roof over our heads and food on our table. The idea makes my stomach twist. Ever since I skated across the ice for the first time, making it to the NHL has been my dream, and it seems like no matter what I do, it’s going to slip away from me. It’s clear now, I wasn’t meant to be the next Wayne Gretzky. My name isn’t going to show on some arena’s marquee, nor will my face be plastered on posters anywhere. All because of decisions my mother has made.
Ally and Lacey return well after dinner, making me wonder if they ate out. Ally doesn’t neglect her daughter, but she does disregard a lot of the stuff going on at home. It’s hard to feel sorry for her when I’m always the one picking up the pieces for everyone. I make sure to get Lacey an ice cream from the ice cream truck before getting into my car and driving to the Point and parking. Normally, this is where one would bring a date for a nice make-out session but right now, I’m the only car here. I get out and sit on the wooden rail and look out over the darkened space. Below, I can hear waves washing ashore and there’s some faint laughter off into the distance.
This is where I come when I need to think. It’s peaceful when no one is here, and my thoughts don’t muddle together with the mindless chatter of others. My hands grip the rails and I let out a guttural scream. I’m angry at how everything falls onto my shoulders. I always have to be the one to figure everything out. Even my sister—who I love dearly—can’t seem to get her life together. But here I am, trying to make something of myself and I’m stuck caring for everyone, while trying to go to college and play hockey. Once I started playing hockey, it’s all I’ve wanted to do and my chance is swirling down the drain right before my eyes and it’s not even because of something I’ve done.
I yell out into the open expanse, cursing in between screams. Nothing makes me feel better. Nothing ever will at this point. I can see why people leave, why they disappear into the nothingness of the world because it’s easier to not care than to care.
By the time I make it back to my house, all the lights are off. I move as quietly as I can, detouring to the kitchen for a glass of water. My stomach growls and I glance at the refrigerator. I know I shouldn’t open it because my rack is empty, but I do anyway. It seems my stomach wants to be jealous of whatever my roommates ate today. I stand there and stare at my rack, the one marked “Kyler” and see a plate with a sticky note on it.
Kyler,
We missed you at dinner. This is homemade mac and cheese. If you need more, the pot on the bottom is full. Help yourself.
(heart) Thea
I don’t know what catches me off guard more, the fact she thought of me at dinner time or the heart she left next to her name. I shouldn’t care if my new roommate expects me home for dinner, but suddenly I do.
And I shouldn’t really care about the heart, but seeing it next to her name warms me in ways it shouldn’t.
Five
Thea
For the fourthtime in a row, I find myself waking up in the middle of the night. I’ve been all over the place this week, what with starting my classes a couple of days ago and moving to a new house and meeting new people, and the excitement and adrenaline has caught up with me. While I thought I’d be exhausted and would fall into a deep slumber as soon as my head hit the pillow, my mind has been running overtime in the quiet of the night. The only way I’d be able to get some sleep when I was younger was to drink some hot milk with honey, so I decide to try the old trick now in hopes it will work. The last thing I want to do is turn up to class tomorrow dead on my feet.
I quietly creep down the stairs, trying not to wake my housemates. These guys need all the sleep they can get given their hectic schedules. Since school started, they’ve been up at the crack of dawn almost every day for pre-season weight training. I should be used to it since Jude has been playing hockey for years, but NU hockey is a whole other level. I can’t even maintain a gym membership for longer than two weeks, so I admire their dedication.