Thea
“Canyou put the tree in this corner?” I direct Devon and Jude as they maneuver a six-foot fir tree around the living room. It’s mid-December, and Millie and I have decided it’s time to start decorating the house for the festive season. God knows this house needs brightening up, and if I leave it to the boys, it will either be a last-minute job on Christmas Eve, or it won’t be done at all. We picked up the tree earlier this morning and decided we’d situate it in the middle of the room to easily decorate it from all sides before moving it to its designated spot. We’ve all claimed one part of the tree to hang ornaments on, including Millie as she’s an honorary member of the hockey house. It’s safe to say while it doesn’t match, it has an eclectic style about it.
“Right here?” Devon asks me from underneath the branches of green pines. He’s lying on the ground, making sure the tree is secure, and Jude is holding the tree up. I’m standing on a stool, ready to put the topper on the top, and Nolan and Millie are bickering about the lights and where each bulb should go so we have evenly-spaced lighting. And Kyler? He’s currently pinning up another set of lights on the mantel. I’m not surprised he’s taking part in our decorating day. Over the last few days, he’s been more present in the house, what with participating in house meals and not hiding out in his room. The only times he’s not here is when he’s at fights. He thinks I don’t know what he’s doing on the nights he doesn’t come home, but I’m not stupid. It’s obvious from the day-old bruises and the grimaces he tries to hide when one of his injuries gives him trouble. Since Thanksgiving, he’s tried to talk to me a few times on occasions when we’re alone, but I always shut him down. I’m not ready to walk down that road yet and hear the sordid details of how he’s moved on. Not that he has anything to move on from, we were over before we began. We blurred the lines from the start, and I know I need to take part of the blame for the messy impasse between us.
“Okay, try it now,” Devon calls out again, and I reach up and place the topper—an ugly-looking Christmas gnome the guys insist we have to use—on the tree. As I do so, I lose my balance but before my life starts to flash before my eyes and I fall back, two strong arms grab me around the waist and hold me steady. I look and see Ky behind me holding me up. He looks intently into my eyes.
“I got you,” he says quietly, and I almost laugh at his words. He did have me for a few short days, but then he shared his bed with someone else. I turn back and reach up again, Ky’s hands never letting go until I’ve precariously balanced the topper. Once done, I quickly move out of his grip and jump down from the stool declining his offered hand. We all stand back and admire our handiwork.
“Not bad,” Jude comments, with the others humming in agreement. “Not bad at all.”
“What’s next?” Nolan asks as he, Ky, and Devon tidy up the odd bits and pieces we’ve decided we’re not using and put them back in the box.
“We’re doing the Secret Santa draw next, and then you boys can all be excused,” Millie informs us as she takes a small tin out of her purse. “You know the rules, the name you pick, is who you’re buying for. No discussing with anyone else, and no telling anyone who you’ve picked. Otherwise, it’s not a secret.”
“What if we pick our own name?” Nolan asks. Millie rolls her eyes at him before responding.
“Then you put it back and pick another, doofus!” She chastises him a little as if she has to state the obvious. “Who wants to go first?”
“I will,” Ky replies as we circle. Millie holds out the tin to him, and he takes out a small, folded piece of paper which he unfolds. As he reads the name written on it, his brow furrows slightly, and then he folds it back up and places it in his pocket. Nolan and Jude go next, and then it’s my turn. There are only three slips of paper in the tin, and I grab one and open it. The little slip of paper has Kyler’s name on it because, of course, it does. Of course, I’d pick his name out because the universe is trying to punish me. Keeping my expression as neutral as possible, I fold it back up and slip it in the back pocket of my jeans, wondering if Secret Santa rules allow me to swap with someone else. Mille takes these things seriously, though, so I know it’s not worth her wrath by asking. After Devon takes his pick, Millie takes the remaining paper and puts the tin back in her bag.
“Well that was easy. We’ll do the exchange and open our presents before we all go home for the holidays. Until then, no discussing with anyone.”
We all agree with her rules and go back to decorating the rest of the house for the next few hours.
I’m in my room later that evening, working on some mock test questions, when there is a knock on my door. Looking up, I see Kyler standing in the open doorway. He’s picked his time well, as he knows there’s nowhere for me to hide in my room unless I lock myself in the en-suite or storm past him and run downstairs.
“Can I come in?” he asks quietly. I pause for a second or two before nodding, giving him my consent to enter the only private sanctuary I have. He stands awkwardly, his hand gripping the back of his neck as he looks around before settling his eyes back on mine. The tension between us is palpable, and I know he feels it as much as I do. It makes the silence all the more uncomfortable.
“So, um,” he continues when it becomes clear I’m not going to start the conversation. He came to me. He needs to say whatever he needs to say. “I picked Millie for Secret Santa, and I’ve no clue what to get her. So, I was kinda wondering if you could help me? Give me some ideas or something?”
Without looking up from my paper, I huff a little before responding. “Did you not get the memo about the Secret Santa rules. You’re not supposed to discuss it with anyone.”
“Sounds likeFight Club.”
This time I look up sharply and meet his eyes. “You would know.”
Kyler sighs and shakes his head slightly. “I guess I deserved that.” He pauses, waiting for a response. When I don’t offer one, he continues. “Look, Thea, please can we talk about what you saw at Thanksgiving.”
I gather all the papers on my bed and put them back in my folder. It’s clear I’m not going to get any more studying done today, not when Kyler’s about to discuss the elephant currently making its presence known in the room.
“There’s nothing to talk about. I went home, and you did your thing. You don’t owe me an explanation.”
“I do, though, because it’s obvious you’re pissed at me.” Ky takes a seat on my floor, leaning his back against the wall opposite my bed. I’m grateful he’s put a safe distance between us. I don’t think I’d be able to hold my resolve if he was any closer. Me and him are a bad idea. Me and him won’t work. It’s best he tells me he’s found someone, and I can move on from whatever it is between us.
“Nothing happened,” he continues, “with that woman, I swear. I mean, yeah, she spent the night, but I was so drunk. I’m pretty sure I fell asleep the moment I hit the bed. But we didn’t have sex.”
“But you wanted to,” I argue. “Why else would you bring her home?”
“Because I was so mad at you, Thea!” His words cut deep, like slivers of sharp glass pressing against my skin. He takes a deep breath as he proceeds. “I saw the photos Jude put on his social media. The ones of your Thanksgiving dinner? You and Adam looked all cozy sitting together with his arm around you, and I couldn’t stand it. After our night together and what I told you, I just couldn’t understand how you could be with him like nothing happened. It crucified me just knowing you and he were together, and I was here fucking missing you like crazy. So, I reacted. I went to The Crease and got drunk. And before long, I found myself talking with this girl. She was in the same boat as me, as she’d just found out her husband was fucking her sister behind her back. Or maybe it’s not the same boat, because I’m not fucking anyone, but still. We shared our sob stories, and because I was so wasted, she helped me get home. It was late, I was a shitty host, and she made sure I was okay and didn’t choke to death on my own vomit.”
Kyler pauses as he gets his breath back after his monologue, rubbing his hands down his face as I try and process all the information he’s just offloaded.
“What you saw was her leaving my room after she slept on the floor. Yeah, I’m a shit and took the bed. That’s why her clothes were all wrinkled. And me changing my shirt? The one I wore to bed had drool and maybe a little bit of sick on it. I’m not proud of myself, Thea, but that’s all, I swear it. When I saw you standing there, my heart cracked into a million fucking pieces. I knew I had disappointed you. I could see it in your eyes. But what could I do? Jude was right there, and I couldn’t have run after you without him guessing something is going on. So, I took the cowardly option and showed my guest out. I regret my actions that night so much. I’m sorry you saw what you saw. But I’m not sorry for being mad and reacting. I’m not, Thea.”
This time it’s my turn to take a deep breath, put on my big-girl pants and come clean to Kyler. I’ve not exactly been forthcoming about my current relationship status, and I can understand how seeing what he saw would upset him, especially as he was the one who told me about Adam’s infidelity.
“Adam and I broke up,” I confess, starting off with the bombshell I know he wasn’t expecting. By his reaction, I know I’m right. His head shoots up quickly at my words.