Amber chuckles humorlessly. “Yeah, she’s… a force to be reckoned with, for sure.”
“How did you do it, growing up like that?” I ask, mystified. “It sounds miserable.”
“I dunno,” she shrugs and averts her gaze toward the floor. “We just waited until we could make our escape, one by one. Violet landed herself in trouble and ended up in Alaska, Jade ran off to Las Vegas, Scarlett ended up with a pack of teachers, Sapphire is in Nashville, God only knows where Cyan is right now but I assume she’s happy, and Raven has her pack. It’s hard to say if they each got their happily ever after because of, or in spite of, the way our mother is.”
“Definitely in spite of,” I growl. “That woman should never have been allowed to have children. Good genes or not, she doesn’t deserve you, any of you.”
“But if that were the case, I’d never have ended up here, to meet you both.” Amber looks up at me from beneath long, fluttering lashes. “So love her or hate her, it’s hard to wish I never existed.”
“No, that’s not what I meant!”Damn it, Beau. Real fucking smooth. “I just meant that you and your sisters should never have been forced to live with that woman. I’m sure there are other packs that could have taken you in, raised you kindly.”
“Maybe,” she agrees softly, but the tears rimming her lids tell me I’d really hurt her.
A sudden lump forms in my throat. “Ahem.In the spirit of you sharing the truth with us, I think I ought to do the same.”
Amber glances at Gabe swiftly before turning curious eyes to me. “Truth about what?”
“You know why I’m here, right? That football game?”
“Yeah, everyone knows about it,” I confirm, recalling the news from several months ago. It was all anyone could talk about for weeks. “That video totally went viral. You tackled that kid in an alpha rage, then kicked his neck in, leaving him paralyzed for life.”
Hot shame floods my cheeks. I’ll be haunted for the rest of my days by that video. “Yeah, that. Well, the truth is… I didn’t kick him.”
“I saw the video, Beau,” Amber replies gently. “It’s pretty clear.”
“Yeah, well it was pretty damning evidence, wasn’t it?” I snap. “Except that’s not what happened.”
“So then tell me what really happened.” Her tone is soft, non-judgmental, and Gabe nods his encouragement.
“What actually happened is the ground was really muddy, and when I stood up I slipped and my foot slid into him. It was a complete accident, and it didn’t even matter; his spine was likely already severed from the tackle. It turns out that kid had a ton of prior injuries—he wasn’t supposed to be playing in an alpha league, he was actually a beta. So my tackle wasn’t even that hard, but it was the final straw for him. Now all anyone knows is that I raged out and broke some guy’s neck on the football field. So that’s the rep I get to live with the rest of my life.”
“I’m so sorry, Beau. Trust me, I know what it feels like to have everyone think you’re something you’re not. But at least you know you didn’t mean to hurt him. That has to help?”
I snort. “Does it help you, knowing you meant to shoot your mother and instead killed your sister?”
The silence stretches for a long minute, then she sighs. “No, it doesn’t. I guess I take your point.”
“I committed my crime on purpose, but not for the reason everyone thinks,” Gabe says with a wry grin, although he definitely doesn’t look happy. “I chose to live with a criminal past rather than keep being poor and uneducated. What does that tell you about the world we live in?”
“It seems like no matter who’s making the rules, they’re in the wrong,” Amber summarizes. “Like life is nothing more than a game, and it’s already been rigged against us.”
I shudder at her words, realizing just how true they are. “Too fucking right,” I say when I realize none of us have spoken for a while.
Amber and Gabe both nod, and then the silence consumes us once again.
Too fucking right.
thirteen
AMBER
Water streams from my wet, freshly showered hair as I sneak back to my dorm room. Getting up well before classes are scheduled to begin basically guarantees that no one will bother me, and given my current vulnerable state, that’s exactly what I need. Gabe did offer to keep watch for me today, but honestly, I just needed a moment alone to think. I feel like I haven’t done nearly enough of that since landing in this place.
And yet I find myself too mentally and emotionally exhausted to focus on anything more than the basic task of applying shampoo and then rinsing it out. I don’t know how long I can keep living in a constant state of fear and vulnerability.
“Amber?” Theoden’s whispery voice trickles to me from behind, and I jump at his address. “I thought you’d be up early. I wanted to check on you.”
I spin around, clutching my towel. My muscles relax at the sight of the professor wearing jeans and a tight T-shirt. It’s the first time I’ve seen him outside of his usual business casual attire and I like it. Running his fingers through his dark hair, he pushes it from his forehead and offers me a panty-melting smile, showing off his irresistible dimples. Tingles burst between my legs when his ice-blue eyes meet mine.