I can trust him. Somehow I just know. But still I can’t allow myself to get attached, just like I couldn’t with Duncan, like I won’t be able to with the other members of his pack. It may be one year, it may be two, but eventually Muldoon will throw me away when they find I can’t bear their children. The treatments from my new doctor will make sure of it.
My first heat took me by surprise, but I’ll be prepared for the next one.
Because getting pregnant again will kill me. Even if I manage to make it through nine whole months of gestation, every second will be spent in agony as I think about the baby I lost. I just can’t do that to myself. Not again.
Alpha Miles is kind. Handsome, too. He’ll find a great second omega once the pack gives up on me. Yes, yes, I’m sure of it.
“Are you hungry?” he asks after an indeterminable amount of time spent alone in our respective thoughts. “Even in first class, the airline food isn’t the best. We should grab something before heading back.”
“I think I just want to sleep,” I say, but then my stomach betrays me, letting out a horrible gurgling sound. Mom has had me on a strict keto diet for months to make sure I lost the baby weight. And even once all that was gone, she still kept me away from carbohydrates, claiming I could always be thinner, fetch a better offer.
Miles offers me a crooked smile punctuated by those two dazzling emerald eyes. “You sure about that? We have some time to kill anyway. What are you in the mood for?”
It’s been a long time since I thought about what I wanted for myself and even longer since I tried to get it. All this alpha-omega stuff is a mess, but there is one thing I can count on to bring me some precious bliss.
“Bread,” I practically shout as my mouth begins to water in earnest. “There’s this Italian place across town that makes the very best garlic knots.” I close my eyes and picture the steamy warmth and flavorful swirl of spices, careful not to let out a suggestive moan. Sex is dangerous for me, but food? Food is the one pleasure I can freely indulge in now that I’m out from under my mother’s thumb.
“I could eat a whole basket of them right now,” I tell Miles with a happy sigh.
He laughs and pokes my nose, such a tender and familiar gesture seemingly out of nowhere. “It’s good to see you so excited about knots, even if you are just talking about bread.”
Heat rushes to my face as his laugh deepens.
“Kidding. Sorry! I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just almost never get the chance to be the one who says it. Not with Ben around.” He laughs again and sucks air in through his teeth. “When you meet him, you’ll see. For now, I’m going to enjoy having you all to myself though, even if I have to share you with a couple doughy knots along the way.”
Yeah, if he thinks I’m only eating a couple, he’s out of his damn mind.
Half an hour later, Miles watches with wide green eyes as I pluck another blessed morsel from the bread basket and slather it in rich, homemade butter.
I put a hand over my mouth and shrug indifferently. Perhaps I should be embarrassed, but I’m not. A girl’s gotta eat, so I might as well eat the best damn thing I’ve ever tasted in all my life. The hot, starchy goodness is even better than I remember, thanks to my having gone months without consuming anything but rabbit food and dead things.
“Noah’s going to love you,” Miles says with a lopsided grin as he signals for the waiter to touch up our water glasses.
I pause between bites to murmur, “Tell me about everyone.” I feel more like myself than I have in a long time. And it’s amazing to remember all that youthful optimism and zeal I once had. Of course my time with Miles won’t last, but who says I can’t enjoy being with him now? I know what I’ve signed up for, even if he doesn’t.
“Noah cooks almost all our meals. We used to have a pack chef, but he quit after one too many unsolicited critiques. Honestly, I think Noah likes it better that way though.”
“So he’s your happy homemaker?” I raise one perfectly shaped eyebrow in question. “I thought that was supposed to be the omega’s job.”
“Well, we didn’t have one before.” Miles flushes adorably. “And Noah may be a great cook, but he’s a terrible slob. He’s the least domestic out of all of us.”
I match his smile with one of my own, then catch myself and stuff another garlic knot into my mouth. I like being here with Miles. I even like picturing myself with the pack, though I have yet to meet the others.
I can’t let myself get too comfortable, because I’ll have to leave, one way or another. Either I convince them I’m infertile so they’ll discard me, or they’ll find out my secret and toss me aside anyway. The end result is the same.
Which means I can’t let myself get used to having this cinnamon roll of a guy in my life. Yes, I’ll be pleasant and make this arrangement seem real to the guys, but I need to keep reminding myself of the truth. Every day if that’s what it takes.
This is not my pack. Miles and the others are just a detour on my road to the future. After a year or two, they’ll give up on me, and I’ll do what all discarded omegas do—I’ll get a job at one of the many preparatory schools to teach other omegas what I’ve learned about nest-making, keeping house, and the art of erotic massage. God forbid young omegas learn anything useful like the signs of a first heat or navigating a pregnancy.
“Is something wrong?” Miles asks, concern reflecting in his otherwise still eyes.
I shake off my fears and attempt a joke. “Just worrying that if you keep taking me to restaurants like this and if Noah’s as good a cook as you say, I’m going to pack on like fifty pounds by the end of the year.”
“Wouldn’t bother me,” he promises, wiping a cloth napkin over his lips. “Besides, your body will grow and change once you’re pregnant, and I, for one, can’t wait to see that happen.”
The candor of this declaration takes me by surprise. I swallow and push back from the table reflexively. The recent bite I took is a big one, and it doesn’t go down quite right, causing me to cough, and…
Fuck, I’m choking. I’m actually choking.