So, yes. I broke the most important rule of all.
I let that sweet male omega claim me—all of me. And for forty-eight blissful hours, our sweaty bodies twined into one. We chowed down on energy bars and chugged Gatorade but kept going and going with minimal breaks or interruptions.
Despite a few panicked moments here and there, it was during this first heat I realized that—yes—I was, in fact, made for this life. My body knew just what to do, and it delighted in fulfilling its purpose.
So much so that we somehow managed to conceive. We never meant to. We didn’t even think it was possible, and yet…
The moments that come after hurt too much to revisit. Everything went terribly wrong. I never got to hold my baby, and losing her has meant losing a part of myself too. That soft, sweet part.
I’m no longer a flower. I’m a husk.
And that’s why, no matter how much I want to, I just can’t offer Miles what he’s looking for. I see the way he looks at me, like I hold all his hopes for the future, like he’s already falling under my spell even though it’s one I never intended to cast.
I will never be that perfect omega. Not for Miles, and not for anyone else.
Miles doesn’t see that yet, but eventually he will. I have a plan to make sure he does.
No, he can never know the truth about my past, but I can get him to throw me away all the same. Now that my mother has been paid off, I doubt she cares what happens to me next. She’s sending me so far out of sight that I doubt I’ll ever enter her twisted mind again.
And that’s exactly how I like it.
I lost my chance for a family-filled future. Now the best I can hope for is freedom.
To secure it, I’ve found a doctor online who is willing to help me with very few questions asked.
I’ve been squirreling away whatever cash I can find to help pay for the treatments, and in exchange she’s promised to make sure I don’t get pregnant. Not again.
A long time ago, long before the time of alphas and omegas, women did what they could to prevent conception until they felt ready to have a baby.
It seems so strange now, with how much children are valued in our society, with how hard they are to come by. This doctor and I had a long talk before she agreed to help. I still remember clutching my cell phone tight, praying that she’d say yes.
“I’m sorry you’re being abused by your pack,” she told me gently, right before we signed off. “It happens more than you might think, but there is a safe path to freedom, Sofia.”
She doesn’t know my name, and she won’t ever. The only thing that matters is that I need her aid and have the money to pay for it.
That call happened weeks ago. I haven’t started birth control treatments yet because Mom has been keeping me on suppressant pills until I land my pack. The suppressants help to control my heat. If I take enough of them, I don’t have a heat at all. I haven’t since that first one, the one where my university friend Duncan and I accidentally made a baby together.
“There’s nearly two weeks’ worth in here,” Mother says, pushing a small indiscreet bottle into my hands and keeping her voice low. “After that, you can let your heat come, secure the mate bond with your new pack, and try to live life normally.”
Me, normal. That’s never going to happen. But I simply nod and tuck the bottle into the back corner of my suitcase.
My mother hovers nearby as she watches me collect my belongings from around the room and shove them into the one suitcase I’m taking with me.
I wish my sisters were here. Or even one of my dads.
But she sent them all away prior to this meeting, afraid that one of them might accidentally hint at the truth. Might reveal I’m not what Mother has promised to Pack Muldoon, that I’m not a suitable mate for them at all.
Even if I weren’t planning my contraceptive measures, there’s still no guarantee I’ll get pregnant again anyway. Most omegas only have one or two children in a lifetime. It’s possible I already had my one. Yes, Mom gave birth to seven healthy daughters, but a growing subset of omegas can’t conceive at all.
Nobody knows what the future holds.
Least of all me.
I wait until Mom seems distracted and then shoot off a quick text to trigger the shipment from my doctor.
I’m ready. Please send my package to the UPS store in Anchorage, Alaska.
I take one last look at my bedroom before flipping the lid of my suitcase and tugging hard on the zipper until it pulls closed. This is it. It’s over. At last it’s over.