I clench my jaw at her assumption that what happened that day is why I’m so cold and calculating today. “Maybe I was born this way, Eliza. Did you ever think of that?”
Finally, she looks at me. “No, you weren’t.” She shakes her head, the certainty in her voice convincing. “Whatever happened that day did this to you.”
Am I that easy to read? Or is it just that this girl has a knack for reading people?
I search her beautiful brown eyes, knowing that there’s a part of me that wants to bear my dark side to her. Let her see every ugly part of me. “She was murdered. That’s all you need to know.”
Her eyes narrow. “And you saw her murder?”
I nod in response. “Yes, and worse.”
“He made you watch him rape her dead body, didn’t he?”
It feels like I’m drowning as I try to push away the terrible memories coming to the surface. “Not just watch. He made me touch her dead body while he smeared her blood all over himself and raped her before going down on her.”
Eliza’s gasp brings me back to the present, and her eyes are full of shock. “What kind of maniac does that to a six-year-old kid?”
I shake my head. “He was an escaped convict from a mental institution who had dated my mom when they were teenagers.” I crack my neck as the tension builds. “He searched for her specifically, and then, when he was done having his revenge on her for being a whore and marrying another man, he left me with her body.” I narrow my eyes. “Not without leaving me with some good old scars to remember him by on my back and abdomen. He left me bleeding and sobbing over my mother and told me he won’t kill me, he’ll just let me live with the darkness.”
I clench my jaw as the things he did to her body were beyond sick once her heart had stopped beating, and I was right there through it all. I was too young to truly understand what was happening, but the worst thing was after he’d finished inside of her, he made me watch him go down on her. It’s what put me off going down on a woman for life. Anytime I even thought about it, I felt sick, until earlier in the office with Eliza. The desire to make her feel good outweighed that sickening feeling.
“How long until someone found you?”
I swallow hard as I gaze out over the lake, finding the cover of darkness soothing, almost like a suit of armor. “It was just over twenty-four hours, as my father and brother were out of town.”
I remember how cold she was as I lay with my head on her chest the entire time, blood running down my back, hoping it was all a terrible nightmare that I’d wake up from, but I never did.
The stiffness of her skin gave me nightmares for years and it’s why I hated people touching me after that. It’s as if it brings it all back, but not with Eliza.
It makes little sense to me why she’s the exception to the rule. Maybe it’s because she sees me for what I am. A broken, heartless monster who can’t be fixed.
I glance at her and don’t understand the urge to keep talking, but for once I’m unburdening myself of the weight I’ve carried for so many years. Everyone stopped asking me what happened that day when they got fed up with me not speaking for so long. “I didn’t speak for two years after that. My father told me I was a wuss and beat me daily until I finally spoke again.”
There’s pity in Eliza’s eyes, and I hate it. No one pities me. A strong leader can’t show weakness and while the darkest event of my life may have been hell, it drove me to become the calculating leader I am today. The kind of person who takes what he wants, consequences be damned.
“That’s terrible,” Eliza says simply.
I sigh in relief that she didn’t offer me her heartfelt apology for what had happened. It’s always so pointless the word sorry. After all, what I went through won’t excuse all I’ve done to her in her eyes, but she’s simply unfortunate collateral in my rise to the throne.
“Life is terrible. One challenge after another. You either rise above it or drown in it.” I meet Eliza’s inquisitive gaze. “I rose above it.”
Her jaw clenches. “You rose above it by repeating the cycle of violence and destruction on another family.” She shakes her head. “I’m not sure I’d describe it that way.”
“I had a purpose, a reason for every bad thing I’ve done.” My eyes narrow. “That sick, perverted son of a bitch had no purpose in killing my mom, other than the fact he was fucked in the head.”
“Did they catch him?”
I arch a brow. “By they, who do you mean?”
“The cops.”
I smirk and shake my head. “Not before my uncle got hold of him and made him pay worse than anything he did to my mom ten times over. At least that’s how my father put it. And what I know about my uncle and his depravity, I don’t doubt it.” I rub a hand across the back of my neck. “He’s as fucked up in the head if you get on the wrong side of him.”
I notice the way Eliza shudders, either from the cool night breeze or from the topic we’re talking about. Shrugging off my jacket, I offer it to her. “You look cold.”
She looks at me skeptically for a few moments before accepting it in silence.
I watch her as she shrugs the jacket on and pulls it tightly around herself.