“They’re in the past. And I mean that, you know. The sadness I felt that night… it wasn’t because I wanted to be Scarlett. God, do you know how glad I am that I never had a kid with Percy? I’d never have been rid of him!”
Isaac nods. “You dodged one there.”
“But that doesn’t mean you were completely off-base, either,” I say. “I have to be honest about that.”
His dark eyes sharpen. “Oh?”
“I’m not in love with him,” I say, “but I was haunted by him. By the memories. And I did compare you to him. I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair to you.”
“I understand it,” he says.
“It wasn’t right, but I was afraid. More afraid than I realized, more afraid than I could put into words. And my response to that has always been running away.”
“What were you afraid of?”
“All of it. Feeling trapped again. Feeling like I… like I love a man who never thinks I’m enough. Feeling like I’m a failure. Most of all, though, I’m afraid of being hurt again. I never want to relive the last year.”
“I know,” he murmurs, and grips my hand with both of his. “You won’t.”
I smile, shaking my head. Tears feel perilously close. “Neither of us knows that. And maybe that’s okay, you know? Maybe that’s just part of life.”
He looks down at where my hand rests in his. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “This might get really hard, and messy, and I’ve avoided every chance of that since Cordelia. But if it’s you things are getting messy with… I can handle it. I might even want it.”
“We’re very similar,” I say. “Have you thought about that? Because I have.”
“Yes,” he says quietly. “I have.”
“Do you think that’s a good thing? Or are we too similar?”
He smiles, that lopsided, genuine smile. “I don’t know, but sweetheart, it doesn’t really matter in my book. I don’t think I can be with anyone else. It’s you, or it’s no one.”
My mouth drops open. “Oh.”
“I don’t want to pressure you,” he says, “and I realize that might sound like pressure, but I can go slow. Like I said, we can leave every fucking society thing out of it. If anyone makes an idiotic comment about our kids being heirs when we’ve never even had the kids conversation ourselves, I’ll excommunicate them.”
I chuckle. “You can’t do that.”
“Of course I can.”
“You don’t run a church or a cult.”
He waves his free hand. “Cut them out of my social circle, then.”
“You can’t. And we can’t avoid society altogether, Isaac. Those are your family, your friends, your business associates.”
“I can downsize,” he says. “I know you wanted a simpler life. A smaller life. A math teacher.”
I shake my head. “I don’t.”
“Sophia…”
“No, really. I was just afraid, afraid of living the last seven years of my life over again, and instead of facing that, I made up new problems. And I didn’t realize that until just this past week. But I’m a problem-solver, Isaac. That’s what I do every day at my job. Maybe it’s time I started doing that in my own life.” I look over my shoulder at the empty counter, unable to stop the smile from spreading across my face. I feel light. “I love this ramen place, but I do live just down the street.”
“Do you now?”
“Yes,” I say. “Come home with me.”
He smiles. “I don’t know, I have this place rented out for a few more hours today…”