“By this, you mean my baby?”
He nodded. His unshifting gaze penetrated deeply. This was the most intense I’d ever encountered him.
Beads of sweat dripped down my arms. “But it may not be yours.” I opened out my palms. I could have done a paternity test, but for the sake of sanity, I’d decided to remain in the dark. Because if the baby was Ethan’s, he might have felt pressured. For the sake of my child, I preferred numbness to turmoil, known to generate toxic hormones like cortisol, potentially harmful to the baby.
He shrugged. “I miss you so much, I don’t mind.”
I sighed heavily. Prickling-hot tears welled in my eyes. But I quickly willed them away by summoning the strength of Hercules. My heart ached for this man. It wasn’t just that I wanted sex either. Although seeing him run his tongue over those full lips had my hormones preparing fireworks for blast off.
“It feels like this is coming from your desire to do the right thing by me.”
He sipped his tea and took a moment to answer. “Well, yes. But I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t feel something for you.”
“But isn’t it just sex?” I asked. “Although I can’t imagine that’s on your mind, seeing me look like this.”
He shook his head slowly and repeatedly. “You’re beautiful.” His mouth curled slightly before straightening. “All I know is that I miss you. I’m not sure where this will go. But I want to be here, holding your hand. Especially if the child’s mine.”
“And if it isn’t?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know how I’m going to feel. But I want to be here for you. That much, I know.” He looked up slowly, and his eyes held mine.
I couldn’t allow myself to fall into his hooded gaze that spoke of hot sex and fun times. I breathed out my frustration in a loud huff. “I can’t do this now, Ethan.”
He placed down his cup and headed to the door.
I berated myself for being so fragile and cautious. I should have been jumping right in, feet first. My former wild self would have. But I had to think about my child. Passion had to take a backseat.
With all that running around in my thoughts, I tried to make sense of what he’d said, or hadn’t said. His words flittered around in my head. He wanted to help, but how? Would he still want me if the baby wasn’t his?
I couldn’t allow myself to cuddle up to him and indulge in his spicy sweetness, only to have him disappear suddenly. How could I risk my heart on him when I needed to remain strong for my child?
He ran his fingers through his hair, making that thick dark-brown mane stick up. I wanted to slap him for being so fucking handsome.
Why couldn’t he be that shallow arsehole? That would have made slamming the door on his face easy.
“I’m sorry for barging in like this. I just wanted to see you.”
Then I let him take my hand. That was a disaster. A beautiful disaster.
All it took was for his eyes to pierce mine for one of those soft, tender looks, and I fell into his arms. I was so dizzy from his masculinity that his strong arms had to hold me up. I closed my eyes and drifted off onto a cloud of desire.
His lips touched mine, and that was it. He had me. I let him take control. Tender and soft, his mouth caressed mine. It even quivered, or were my lips trembling on his?
It felt like we both had been wanting to steal that kiss from the moment he stepped in, like teenagers doing something wrong. From soft and explorative to fiery and hungry, his lips devoured mine. His hands travelled over my body, and I felt a hard throb against my torso. His dick had turned steel hard, setting off a desperate ache between my legs.
“You feel hot.” He spoke into my mouth. Even his breath on my tongue seemed to travel all the way to my vagina.
Blood surged through me. My brain had shut down.
Drugged by a rush of hungry need, I surrendered to his feathery touches-turned-gropes, kisses, and nibbles.
Next minute we were on my unmade bed, where he stroked my clit and had me crying out his name.
“I need you inside of me now,” I said, pulling at his hair.
My eyes rolled to the back of my head. It had been months, and the stretch was intense.
He groaned as he entered me. I lay on my side, and we rode one wave of divine heat after another, which made my toes curl.