Now who is the coward?I thought. But didn’t necessarily feel better for the thought.
The door closed behind him, and Caroline gestured to the ivory chairs in front of her desk.
“You’re mad at me,” she said.
“I am,” I said. “Those things you changed in the speech—”
“The new foundation was something your husband and I were working on. He signed the papers just a few nights before...” she trailed off.
“He put a bullet in his own head?” The crassness was a surprise. It was shades of my sister coming out, and I understood how delicious it could be to be irreverent. To say what I wanted.
“I was going to say ended his life, but okay, we can go your way.”
“I’m not upset about the foundation.” I crossed my legs, my muddy boots dripping on the floor. That, too, felt good. “You know what he did to me. How he treated me.”
She nodded carefully.
“Then why make me lie about what a kind and decent man he was?”
“Because we wanted those people to donate money, and if you didn’t put an end to the rumors—”
“Rumors?”
Her level gaze met mine, and I saw the pity, and I could not sit there and bathe in it.
I stood up, and she grabbed my hand.
“You were so young and everyone knew the situation with Zilla and your father,” she said quickly, as if she were apologizing. But Caroline didn’t do that. “You put up a good front,” she said. “No one ever suspected how bad it was.”
“Is that supposed to comfort me?”
“Yes.”
“Well, it’s crappy comfort. People knew he hurt me. They just didn’t know how bad it was?Socomforting.”Oh god, sarcasm. Who the hell was I?
I looked at her, hard in the eyes, remembering how she turned me away. How she told me I needed to make it work. And I owed her a lot, but not this. Not anymore.
“I’m not doing that again,” I said. “I’m done lying about him. About my marriage.”
Caroline put her hands up. “I understand, and I won’t ask that of you again. Okay?”
“Okay.” I nodded like we’d signed a deal, and Caroline sat back, eyeing me with a careful smile.
“It wasn’t kind of me to put you on the spot like that. But I knew if we’d run that by you—”
“I wouldn’t have done it?” I interrupted.
“No. You would have. But you would have spent two weeks thinking about it. Hurting yourself with it.”
That was undoubtedly true.
“Don’t be angry with me, Pops,” she said. “I was only trying to do what had to be done. You understand that, don’t you?”
“Yes,” I said because what else was I going to do? Hold a grudge? Against Caroline? Impossible. She smiled, sitting back in her seat.
“But you have to understand that it’s different now. I’m different.”
Caroline shook her head at me, a smile spreading across her face. “God, your mother would be so proud of you right now.”