‘Oh, I do not know. Perhaps that one,’ said Tara indicating a simple, plain petticoat.
Orla shrugged and smiled. ‘I don’t suppose it matters. Your husband will just end up ripping it off you.’
Tara frowned as her face flooded with heat. She tried and failed to hide her dismay, and Orla’s eyes widened.
‘He does… I mean….you do lie together, lass?’ she asked.
‘Not anymore. Not since I….’ The horrified fascination in Orla’s green eyes was too much, and Tara had to rush outside. The cool air was welcome, and she tried to compose herself when Orla caught up with her.
‘Oh, Tara. Forgive me for prying. No wonder Callum looks miserable. You mean you never consummated your union?’ This last was said with hushed disbelief.
‘We did, Orla, many times, but then I told him…oh, I told him I did not want to, and now he does not touch me.’
Orla’s mouth hung open, and Tara rushed on. ‘I did not mean it. I only wanted a respite from all the thoughts and feelings inside me. Have you never been so full of anguish and confusion that you thought you might burst open with it?’
‘Can’t say as I have,’ said Orla. ‘But I once had a deal of anger inside me, which the marriage bed seemed to assuage.’
Tara held back tears. ‘Well, it is not the same for me. I don’t understand what is expected of me. I don’t understand what Callum wants. I feel there is something he is waiting for, and I cannot give it to him. Orla, you must think me a terrible wife.’
Orla put an arm on her shoulder. ‘No, I think you are a troubled one, with no friend to talk to. And never mind Callum, what do you want?’
‘I want him to talk to me. I want to feel safe, and I need time to get used to being married. I tried to talk to Callum just the other day and explain, but it only made him angry.’
‘Oh, men are no good at talking. That was a fool’s errand. Better to speak to a woman. Now see here. Callum is a quiet man, but he is handsome enough, and you like him, don’t you?’
‘Yes, very much. But I wish he would slow down. I wanted to ease into being a married woman, but instead, it was one headlong rush, with no time to think or catch my breath.’
‘Brought up ignorant of the world, weren’t you?’
Tara nodded.
‘Callum is not rough, is he, or cruel, unfeeling?'
‘No, he is the opposite.’
‘Good, for if he was cruel, I would have to take a birch to his back on your behalf. Come on, Tara. Let us walk along the river where it is peaceful. We can puzzle out your dilemma together.’
They walked along the wide, lazy river Ness for a good while without speaking, Orla’s arm through Tara’s. She seemed to sense Tara’s anguish, and when she spoke, she did so gently.
‘Take some advice from one who knows what it is like to marry a stranger in haste. Marriage takes time and patience. I think you are a rare innocent and rather over-sheltered, so you have a deal to learn. I hear Callum offered for you once, and you turned him down. Tell me, did you have any desire for him at all before you wed?’
‘Yes, I did. And now that he does not lay a hand on me, I want him to,’ said Tara. ‘I miss his attentions, the very same attentions I have spurned. My uncle always said that lying with a man was for the begetting of children, not the pursuit of pleasure. A man can be brim full of lust and not be judged by God, but a woman in lust will go to hell for such sinfulness.’
‘What nonsense! We feel as much as men do, more in fact. I could not do without my snarling husband warming my bed. What do you feel when you look at Callum - fondness, love, revulsion, lust?’
‘I…I feel certain stirrings, I suppose, but I try to banish them.’
Orla shook her head and smiled. ‘Well, stirrings are a start. Now, look. This breach is up to you to heal. So, I suggest you seduce your husband. He is clearly besotted, so it shouldn’t be that hard.’
‘Oh, I could not. And how can Callum be besotted? He doesn’t even talk to me much.’
‘It does not mean that he does not feel for you. Do you need him to spout compliments, to flatter your vanity, Tara?’
It felt like an attack, yet Tara was beginning to realise that Orla Munro was rather blunt. ‘No,’ she replied. ‘I just cannot know the man I am married to unless he gives me something of himself.’
‘Aye, well, still waters run deep, and so it is with Callum. Tara, he wed you because he was infatuated with you and wanted to protect you. He could have taken advantage of your poverty and reduced circumstances and just made you his mistress. But he made you his wife, instead. That speaks more than any words, lass.’ Orla patted her hand. ‘Think on that, and give Callum a chance. He is a good man, and he deserves your respect, if not your love. Give him that much at least, and don’t let him see you make eyes at that Lieutenant Forster or any other man. It humiliates him, and he does not deserve that.’
‘I will try, but I don’t know how to begin.’