‘No, Lyall, you don’t understand.’
She took a deep breath and put her hand to her belly.
‘Banan is inside me, burrowing into my belly like a worm.’
‘Giselle?’
‘I hoped I might lose it, that it would just slide out of me, so unwanted that my body might reject it. But it thrives.’
Lyall shook his head. God could not be this cruel. Hadn’t they both suffered enough?
‘I am with child, his child.’
‘No, that cannot be.’
‘Forgive me, Lyall.’
‘But we were together, it could be mine,’ he said in desperation.
‘There is no doubt that it is his. You must know this.’
‘Can you not lie to me, Giselle? Can you not pretend it is mine?’
‘I dearly wish it was yours, but I cannot make it your child just because I want it to be so, no more than Rhoslyn could.’
‘Do not throw my words back in my face.’
‘Lyall, I even thought of pretending it was yours. But I could not deceive you like that, and besides, I could not be close to you in that way. See, I cannot even share my husband’s bed. Now I am with child, his child, I am finished.
‘We can claim it as ours, Giselle.’
‘What if it is a son? What if it looks like him, smells like him, is hateful like him.’
‘It is part of Banan, yes, but it is also part of you, gentle, kind, good. We can leave Beharra, go to Corryvreckan. No one there will know it is not mine.’
‘You want to hide us away because we shame you.’
Lyall’s mind was reeling. Already Giselle was saying ‘us’. Did she want this child? His mind could not comprehend this fresh horror. All he knew was that he could not lose her. He would say anything, do anything, so long as she stayed with him.
‘Giselle, I am not ashamed, but it will be simpler away from here, from Cormac and Ravenna and everyone. We can have a fresh start, in our own lands, far from the memories of Banan and what he did.’
‘I cannot ask you to do that.’
‘It is not your choice, it is mine, and I choose to raise this bairn as my own.
‘Banan did things to me, shameful things, Lyall.’
'I know, I know, but it is over now.’
‘It will never be over. It will never leave me. Banan took what we have for each other and made it ugly, dirty. I feel such shame.’
‘It is not your shame, it is his, mine too for not protecting you. Forgive me.’
‘Nothing to forgive, Lyall. You have only ever tried to do right by me, and I love you for it, so much.’ Giselle staggered in her grief, moving closer to the cliff edge.
‘What are you doing?’ his voice was a strangled whisper.
‘I do not deserve you, Lyall.’