‘Yes,’ she breathed.
‘We are to be wed, I have the King’s leave to do so,’ he announced.
‘Wed?’ Her face fell.
‘Aye. You could at least do me the honour of looking pleased.’
‘Is that what you want, Lyall?’
‘Is it not what we both want? Are you not glad?’
‘I am glad you are safe, so glad. I was so frightened for you. But you don’t have to take me out of pity, or obligation, Lyall.’
‘I am taking you out of love, you little fool. Come here to me.’
She came forward, and he took her into his arms. How perfect it was to hold her again. Touching her calmed his soul and gave him ease. It felt like forever since he had been with her in his bed, back at Beharra, and his hands shook as he claimed her mouth with his. She must have been nervous of him too, for she was rigid in his arms, hesitant with her kiss.
Lyall had words to say, but his emotions choked them back. More than anything he wanted to lie with Giselle, hold her, make her his again. So he gathered her up and took her over to the bed. He lay her down gently and pulled her close to him. As he kissed her, over and over, it was like a homecoming and all the horrors of the fighting at Berwick seemed to fall away. The rapid beat of his heart, the nightmares, the feeling of doom which had so long dogged his steps, all were no more. There was just peace, soft and quiet, in her arms.
He leant over her, pressing her down onto the bed.
‘No!’ she whispered. ‘No, no.’ There was desperation in her voice as she pushed him off, and Lyall could do nothing but move aside. Giselle wriggled away from him, her face ashen and terrified. He knew the meaning of her fear, and it was as though Banan reached out icy fingers from the grave and trailed them down his spine.
‘I have suffered losing you, Giselle. It was like a thousand punches landing on me all at once. Now I have won you back, can you blame me for wanting you, for wanting some reward for everything I have endured?’
‘For what you have endured?’
‘I know you have suffered too. I know you may be fearful of lying with me, but you can trust me to be gentle.’
‘It is not a case of being gentle, Lyall for I know you are a kind man, you have always been so.’
‘Then, what is it?’
‘I cannot lie with you, or with any man. I cannot bear it. I can speak of it no more.’
‘I’m not him. I am not a monster like him. Do you think me so for wanting to lie with you? When a man comes close to death, he wants to celebrate life by being with the woman he loves. Am I wrong to ask that of you?’
‘No, it is natural and just, but I cannot give you what you ask. I am sorry.’
‘Then, I will be patient. I can wait until you are ready, Giselle.’
‘What if I am never ready?’
‘Then I will be waiting for you until I die because there is no one else I want.’ He pulled her back to him. ‘I can wait until you trust me again.’
‘Lyall, forgive me. I cannot be your wife in name only, it is not fair.’
‘I am not giving you a choice. I lost you once, and I’ll not lose you again. We will wed, as soon as may be, and we will be happy again, I swear.’
***
As dusk fell, turning the snow on the fringing mountains to pink, Lyall sought Cormac on the battlements. The wind cut through him, in fact, it seemed to have settled on his heart.
‘We leave at first light, Giselle and I.’
‘So soon?’
‘Aye, we must leave this cursed place and all its dreadful memories behind us, as soon as can be.’