‘You know what he has done.’ Her voice was a sob. ‘Do not torture me by making me say it aloud.’
Tears, hot and filled with rage, pricked his eyes, and he fought them back.
‘He will pay for it when I make you a widow.’
‘No, Lyall. It will not bring back what he has taken, and I’ll not have you damn your immortal soul with murder, for my sake.’
‘This is not damnation, it is my soul’s redemption, for all the wrong I have done you, taking you for myself. In that, I have been as bad as Banan. I should not have done it, tried to own you like that. I told myself I was protecting you, but I haven’t even done that. I wanted you for myself, all along, though I did not know it. I seduced you, I held you captive, and all because I thought I had a right. No man has that, especially not Banan, and now, he will die for it.’
Giselle just shook her head at him, with tears streaming down her face.
‘Lass, if I don’t come back from Berwick, Cormac will get you away, somewhere that bastard cannot find you. He has sworn this to me.’
‘No, if he does that, all his own family will be in danger. Tell him, no. Lyall, do what you have to do to survive, but don’t come back to me. Please.’
‘I can’t believe you are saying this to me. You love me still. I can see it on your face, no matter how hard you try to hide it.’
Giselle looked away from him, clutching her arms about her. He had to know.
‘Why wed him, Giselle? Why did you do it?’
‘You think I had a choice?’ she said. ‘Banan said if I did not wed him, he would turn his men around and butcher every last man, woman and child at Beharra. He had a written order in the King’s own hand that gave him leave to take me. I was his reward, he said, for doing the King a great service. It was only later, when I got to Urquhart, that I realised what that service was.’
‘Aye, condemning his own father to a hideous, traitor’s death.’
‘I was told there would be worse in store for you if I defied the King’s command and refused his hand in marriage. I did not want to wed him, Lyall, I swear.’
‘I know. Forgive my anger.’
Lyall tried to take her in his arms again, but she leapt away from him and shrank into herself.
‘Don’t, Lyall.’
‘God, Giselle, I love you. Let me comfort you.’
‘You will not want to, once you know what I have done, what I was forced to do to survive. Can you even bear to imagine it?’ Her voice became a whisper.
‘It is my fault, so I must bear it.’ A muscle twitched along his cheek with the effort of hiding his emotions. ‘You suffered him to have you to stay alive.’
‘Yes. At first, I thought Banan just wanted to steal me to cause you pain. He did not lay a hand on me for several days as we travelled to the MacGregor stronghold in the north. All he did was stare at me, with a strange look on his face, while I got more and more frightened. That was bad enough, and then, when we got to that awful place, I thought he would just lock me up. How foolish I was to think that it was that simple, that revenge on you was all he wanted.’
‘Giselle, I am sorry.’
‘He wanted revenge on me too, you see, for spurning him. The first night there, I discovered how truly awful Banan is. He is a monster. He worked himself up into a rage, and I thought he was going to kill me.’
‘I am so sorry that he hurt you, that he forced you.’
‘He has shamed me, Lyall, over and over.’
‘There is no shame in it, Giselle. What else could you do but stay alive?’
‘I thought I’d never see you again, that was the worst of it, Lyall.’
He rushed to her and held her close, and this time she did not resist. Her sobs rent his heart in two, but Lyall held back his own. He had to be strong and find a way out of this trap before it killed them both.
‘I will kill him for this,’ he said.
‘That is what he wants, Lyall. Or he wants you to try. Then he will have the excuse he needs to have you put to death, for disobeying the King’s command.’