He stilled, his gaze darting back to mine.
We stared at each other, neither of us moving. Silence stretched, the sexual tension thickening and swelling between us.
He let out a soft groan. “Annika,” he protested softly, lowering his gaze. “Whatever you’re thinking, don’t.”
“I want you, Adrik.”
He flinched. “You wantmeor just some fuck toy to play with and discard as you please?”
What?I dropped his hand abruptly, feeling as if he’d slapped me. “Is that what you think of me? That I woulduseyou like that?”
He made a strangled sound in his throat. “Doesn’t really matter, Annika. You’re my boss’s sister. My other boss’s daughter. The big boss’s niece. And the head honcho’s granddaughter. Do you see where I’m going with this? No matter how I look at it, you can never be anything more than a fantasy. I can’t touch you that way, no matter how much I want to.”
He left the room, quietly closing the door behind him.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Adrik
Shock was my first reaction.
Followed by disbelief.
Annika couldn’t truly be attracted to me. I was an ogre, the Beast. Womennevercame on to me. Why would they? If I wanted sex, I had to pay for it. Most of the time, the prostitutes wanted me to take them from behind, so they didn’t have to look at my ugly face while I fucked them. I didn’t want that with Annika. I wanted to look into her pretty eyes, suck on her soft lips, and watch her expression as she came undone.
But my scarred and deformed upper lip wouldn’t even allow me to kiss her the way I’d fantasized about for years. I was almost thirty and I’d never kissed a woman. I never would, either, unless I had the facial reconstruction surgery a few people had suggested I get. Of course, I had considered it, but plastic surgeons were expensive, and really, what was the point in fixing my face when I didn’t have anyone to impress, anyway? How would I scare people during interrogations if I wasn’t ugly? So, I left it alone. I was used to the stares by now. The gawking faces and the pointing fingers. The snickers and sneers. My hideous face was here to stay, and I was okay with that.
Or, I had been, until now…
I wanted Annika to notice me. Towantme. Forme. She made me want to write poems just for her. Bring her flowers. Serenade her under the moonlight. She made me long for romantic dates with lots of cuddling, and endless nights of making love. She made me long for the impossible.
Annika was the only woman I’d ever wanted to kiss, the only one I’d ever fantasized about. But she was completely off limits.Forbidden.Even thinking about her the way I did felt like a betrayal to her family. They trusted me to keep her safe, not lust after her.
She couldn’t know how badly I wanted to take her into my arms and love her all night long. But it would only end badly. For me, at least. If I dared touch her that way, I would most certainly be fired, or even killed, if her family was angry enough. No matter how I looked at it, I couldn’t give in to my longings. I would do my job and keep it professional. I was her bodyguard. Her protector. I could never be her lover. I had to resist temptation. And try to stay away from her from now on.
I managed to keep that vow for the next two days. All was quiet at the lake house, no visitors, and not even a hint of danger. It seemed, for the time being, that her stalker didn’t know where she’d gone. Which was what we wanted. But that didn’t mean I could let down my guard. The guy could find her at any time.
Annika spent a lot of time in her piano room, the sounds of her music filling the house on a regular basis.
I suspected she was avoiding me as much as I was avoiding her, and my chest ached with the realization that my rejection had probably hurt her feelings. She had no idea how hard it had been for me to turn her down, and that if she tried to seduce me at some point, I didn’t think I had the strength to resist.
But I could never be with Annika, no matter how much I wanted to be, so it was no use wishing for the impossible. I couldn’t become distracted by my feelings for her. Her safety was at stake, and I needed to stay alert to protect her.
Then one evening Sacha showed up with Willow. Tim and I were both awake since we’d known Sacha was coming. Sacha had called and said they were back in Tahoe, and he would be stopping by to see Annika for a few minutes.
But I hadn’t expected him to bring Harley, Willow’s dog, a Belgian Malinois. Similar to a German shepherd, the breed was highly intelligent and made good guard dogs. They were commonly used in police work.
Harley was actually a sweet dog, though a bit unruly. As far as I knew, the only person he’d ever bitten was Sacha (back when he and Willow had first met, and the dog had thought he was protecting her). Anyway, if I had been expecting Harley, I could have prepared myself, and everything would have been fine. But I’d only been expecting Sacha to walk in the door. So, when he came in with Willow, and Harley burst past them, heading straight for me with a happy bark, I panicked, stumbling backward, and tripped over my own feet. When a large dog came running toward me, I reacted instinctively. I fled.
Even though Harley and I were now well acquainted, I couldn’t always control my PTSD episodes.
The next thing I knew, I was backing into the wall behind me, twisting my head away as Harley stood on his hind legs, his tongue reaching for my face.
Everyone laughed.
Except for me.
And Annika. She stared at me with a concerned look in her eyes. Somehow, she sensed the panic in me when no one else noticed I was about to trigger.