Adrik had just been forced to kill his little brother.
And he’d lost his best friend, Timofey.
He’d been severely traumatized.
He probably needed some time to deal with this.
Timealone.
So, I said nothing.
Though I longed to beg him to stay, I would let him go. Because if you loved someone, the unselfish thing to do would be to set him free.
Even if the thought of being without him ripped my heart right out of my chest.
Swallowing hard, I lowered my gaze as Lev carried me outside and settled me into the waiting vehicle.
Adrik was leaving the Bratva.
Would he come back to me someday?
Or would I never see him again?
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
Adrik
I had a rough couple of weeks after leaving the Bratva.
Not wanting to be around anyone, I moved onto my sailboat where I could be alone.
One of the hardest parts of those first few days was having to tell Tim’s girl, Evelyn, that he was dead. Efrem had informed me I didn’t have to do it, that they would send someone else, but I’d felt responsible for what had happened to Tim, so I had to be the one to deliver the sad news.
Evelyn broke down, collapsing into a grief-stricken heap on her front porch while I watched helplessly. Then I gently urged her to her feet and helped her inside. After settling her onto the couch, I stayed with her for several hours, making sure she was okay, and apologizing profusely for what had happened. I left out the part that my own brother had killed him. All she knew was that he’d died while trying to protect Annika.
Amazingly, Evelyn didn’t blame me. She said she’d known Tim was involved in dangerous work and that he might be hurt or killed someday.
We shared stories about Tim and why we’d both loved him so much. We even laughed a time or two at some of the silly things he’d done.
“You were a good friend to him,” Evelyn murmured, giving me a hug as I was preparing to leave. “He cared about you a lot and was always saying how you were a better person than he was. I’m thankful he had you.”
I closed my eyes, blowing out a breath. Her words humbled me. “Thank you.”
Tim would always have a special place in my heart, a friend to the end, and I missed him terribly. He’d always accepted me, not caring about my scars, even though he’d joked about them many times. Seeing Evelyn and knowing she didn’t blame me helped to extinguish some of the guilt, but I couldn’t shake the thought that Tim would still be alive today if it weren’t for me.
And that brought another pain, a deeper guilt to sink in and take hold.
Damien.
I know I could never have predicted what would have happened. But I couldn’t stop the nagging guilt that if I’d only done things differently, if I’d only taken him with me when I’d first fled, then Papa wouldn’t have abused him, and Damien wouldn’t have turned into the maniac who’d attacked Annika and come after me for revenge. All of that was on me.
And as the days passed, I struggled with the guilt and anguish and the horror of what I’d had to do to my own brother.
I also spent long hours thinking of Annika and how I’d failed her. She wouldn’t be partially paralyzed if I’d taken care of my little brother like I should have in the first place. Damien had attacked her in retaliation for what he’d perceived the Popovs had done to our family. So, technically, she should hate me. She should blame me for what she’d gone through. Only, I knew she didn’t.
I’d seen the look on her face that night when I’d told Pavel I was leaving the Bratva.
Shock. Then pure devastation.