“Mostly myself.”
She nudged him. “That’s the same thing as letting them roll through your mind, you knucklehead.”
He laughed, and it felt good. “It’s different for me. I’ve got years of practice taking care of myself.”
Cole. She rested her cheek on his shoulder. “Well, now, you have me.”
Oh, he liked that. Liked how close they’d become. Only a few days ago, she’d thought the worst of him, and now, she was comfortable enough to get in bed and cozy up to him. He reached for her hand. It was a light touch, and he wanted so much more. But she didn’t, so he restrained himself.
Besides, what more could he want than to have Hailey in bed with him holding his hand?
It was perfect.
“Don’t you think we should talk the nightmare out of your body?” She’d shattered the mood. When he didn’t respond, she reached across his chest to hug him. Her breasts pressed against his biceps, and he found that to be the sweetest, simplest gesture of intimacy and trust he’d ever experienced. “Is this the first time it’s happened?”
“No.”
“Is it the same one every time?” She was determined to get it out of him.
“No.”
“Is it about the girls?”
“No.”
“If you really want me to drop it, I will. I’ll go back to bed and leave you alone. But you just told me how important it is to get things out of your body. So, I’ll ask you one more time to tell me about the nightmare.”
Put it this way. He wanted her to leave far less than he wanted to talk about that night. And he really, really didn’t want to talk about it. Particularly with her. She’d go back to thinking the worst of him.
But if he had a chance in hell with her, he had to share even the parts of him he couldn’t stand. And so, he rolled onto his back and stared at a ceiling awash in milky moonlight. “It’s about the night I ruined my best friend’s life.”
“Wait, is this a dream? Or did this actually happen?”
“It happened.”
“Okay.” The word came out in a whisper as she clasped their fingers together. “I’m listening.”
“So, you know I was going to play for the Renegades, and Booker was headed to LA?”
“I remember.”
“Declan wanted a college education, so he was going to play for Michigan, and Jaime was going to Canada to play in the junior league for two years. Well, the night before we were all going our separate ways, Jaime found out his parents had to sell the ranch. It’d been in the family for generations, and he made the choice to give up hockey and stay home and help them out. He was pretty shaken up by it, so he asked us to come over for one last bonfire.” Anxiety kicked up, and his hands went clammy. He pulled away.
But she wouldn’t let him. She grabbed him and rested their joined hands over her heart. “Go on.”
“That’s all it was supposed to be. A bonfire at Jaime’s. Then, I show up with the keys to my dad’s Piper Cub.” If he had one shot to go back in time and right a wrong, it would be that night. “No one but Jaime wanted to go. The other guys were packed and ready to get up early to catch their flights. But I pushed them into it. My dad’s got a cabin at the top of a cliff that overlooks all of Jackson County.” He swallowed, his throat tightening the closer he got to the bad part. “We hung out, we drank—typical stuff. And then, Jaime wanted to jump.”
“Jump?”
“BASE jump.”
“Oh, right. Okay. I remember you guys did crazy things like that.”
“I was down for it, but Declan and Booker didn’t want to. And they were right, of course. Everything would’ve been fine if we’d just stayed at the ranch, had the bonfire—”
“Tell me the story without beating yourself up. Just get it out of your body.”
“It will never be out of me. I ruined someone’s life.”