“Oh.” Even in the dark, he could see her features flush and her eyes go wide with surprise. “I just figured, you know, because I was the only one who didn’t fawn all over you…”
“That didn’t make me want you more. All it did was hurt my feelings.”
He’d shocked her. He could see that. But he didn’t care. Her opinion of him sucked, but it was wrong, and he was tired of hearing it.
Right away, though, shock gave way to a softening, a sweetness. The tension around her eyes eased. “Cole.”
And that calmed him enough to tell the truth. “I was nervous around you. Iamnervous around you. Because I know you don’t like me, and I don’t know how to change that.”
She reached for his shoulder. “You’re already changing it. In just this short time, watching you with the kids, talking to you. And I’ve been kicking myself all day for not giving you a chance back then.” She ran a fingertip along the edge of the popcorn tub. “It’s just I moved so many times that I just stopped trying. And here you were this popular jock, the best-looking guy in school—and I was determined to push you away. To be honest…” She let out a shaky breath. “You intimidated me. I’ve always felt like an outsider, and you’re the sun in every room. People flock to you. I used to think it was because of your money, your dad, all the upgrades—you know, the limos, the screenings, the flights—but it just isn’t true. I see it now. It’s your strength that draws people to you. Your confidence. It’s how you take charge of a situation where everyone else is floundering. I think I wanted to see you as a show-off so that I didn’t fall for you.” She paused, watching her finger make a slow tour of the tub. “Because I knew I could never keep a guy like you.”
“You could’ve kept me.”
He’d done it again. Shocked the hell out of her. She searched his expression. “God, Cole. Why weren’t you this honest back then?”
“Because you were the first person I ever really liked. And if I was obnoxious around you, it was because you didn’t want the Cole Show, the guy who entertained everybody. You wanted the real me. But what if I’d shown you, and you didn’t like it? I think that would’ve destroyed me.” He’d given her too much. He felt too exposed. So, he pulled back and changed the subject. “Yeah, so, anyhow. You were telling me about your mom.”
Her jaw snapped shut. He’d shifted gears too abruptly again.Dammit.He had to stop doing that.
“Right. Uh… So, where was I? So, she was touring with Don’t Ask, doing the costumes for the band and the dancers, and she wound up pregnant. She said it was a wild year, with lots of partying, and she doesn’t know who got her pregnant.”
“See, there you go. You say we’re opposites, but that’s something important we have in common. Neither of us knows one of our parents, but we’re close with the other.”
“You don’t know your mom?”
He shook his head. “But we got lucky to have one good parent.”
“Yeah, I mean, in a lot of ways, my mom and I are close, but…” She had a thoughtful expression, and he could tell she was wavering…unsure if she wanted to open up to him.
And he wanted it more than just about anything. “But?”
He saw the moment she decided to trust him. The tension in her shoulders, around her mouth and eyes…everything in her relaxed, went easy. “I guess I have a lot of resentment. She bases her business on word of mouth. So, we moved from one job to another, and while I’ve been to some very cool places—she’s done summer theater on Martha’s Vineyard and a cabaret show in Miami—we never had a home base. Without a reliable income, we often went without the basics, the stuff everyone takes for granted. Like electricity and Wi-Fi. And, as you’ve already heard, food. And I can’t tell you how badly I wanted to sleep in the same bed, have milk in the fridge…how much I wanted her to get her shit together and take care of us.”
“I’m sorry. That sounds awful.”
“It was.” As she watched the screen, the light danced across her features. “And what made it worse was her relentlessly happy attitude about it. Like being homeless or foraging for food was some kind of adventure. Every time she’d move me in the middle of the school year, she’d be all smiley and like, I can’t wait for you to make some new friends. You’re going to love it there. She had no idea how brutal it was to be the new kid over and over.”
“Now I understand why you wanted to live with Lindsay.”
“Well, it was more than that. I got this idea in my head that it was my last shot at a normal experience. I wanted to go to homecoming and prom. I wanted to date the quarterback and get a promposal.”
“You liked Brock Dirtbag?” She hadn’t liked Cole, but she was into a tool like that asshole football player?
“Who? Brock Durnbaum? Oh, no. Not literally him. No, I just meant the movie version of high school.”
“And then I went and blew it.”
“Yeah. You did.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I know. I got your text messages.”
“Before you blocked me.”
“At the time, I blamed you, but you know what? Lindsay’s parents didn’t have to send me away. They could’ve taken into account that I was a good student, a responsible person. I mean, I lived so quietly in their house. I didn’t leave a trace of myself because I didn’t want to be a bother. So, when they kicked me out…well, it just wasn’t fair. I’d been so good, and I’d only made one mistake.”
“You didn’t make the mistake. I did.”