“I’ve never gotten that out of my head, and after what happened to my friends, it just reinforced what she said. I was sure I was bad for the girls. That, at some point, I’d take things too far and hurt them. And when I did... fuck.” He blew out a breath into the receiver. “I never should’ve taken them to that damn screening. Everything was good. We’d had a great day, but I hated the idea of Paisley going back to Calamity hating me, of her shutting me out. So, I did it. I took them, and Paisley got lost. I proved to myself that I was a menace.”
She was impressed that he could see the truth. It was a huge step for him. “Everyone makes mistakes.”
“Yeah, but until I figured outwhyI kept making the same one, I’d keep doing it. But I did. I figured it out. When I was a kid, my friends were my family, butIwasn’t theirs. They had parents, siblings, grandparents—even foster parents—and I had someone my dad paid to take care of me. The reason I always took things too far is because I didn’t want to go home to that empty house. But you and the girls,you’remy family. I’m not alone anymore. And, yeah, I’ll make mistakes just like any parent would, but I’m not a menace. I’m good for those girls, and God knows, you and the girls are good for me. I need you. I want—”
“Cole.” She had to stop him. She couldn’t bear the rumble of hope that threatened to mow her down. She wanted to believe him so badly. “I hate how awful your childhood was, and I’m glad you got your nanny’s voice out of your head, but you bailed on us after losing Paisley forfive minutes. What happens when Evvie breaks a leg or one of them needs stitches? Bad things are going to happen, and I’m not going to put any of us through the pain of having you bail on us again. I love you, Cole. The girls and I miss you terribly, but I just don’t believe you’re here to stay.”
* * *
Cole sat at his desk. He was so shocked, so disappointed, he couldn’t get out of his chair.
“’Night.” His dad walked past his office. Noticing him, he jerked to a stop. “You okay?”
No, he wasn’t. “She doesn’t want me.”
His dad came into the room. “She said that?”
“She said she loves me but doesn’t trust me to stay.” He glanced up. “She thinks I’ll do it again.”
“Do what? I’m not following.”
“She thinks something will happen to one of the girls, and I’ll flip out and run again.”
“But you won’t do that.”
“No, I won’t.”
“Did you tell her what we talked about?”
He nodded, the pain lodged like a knife in his chest, making it hard to take a breath.
“Then, show her.”
“How do I show her when I live in Boston? When I won’t be back until June?” He got up so quickly his chair hit the bookcase. “She said she doesn’t want to co-parent, Dad. She’s put me back in the role of godparent.”
“But that’s not your role. Legally, you’ve adopted them.”
“I’m not going to make life harder for her by forcing myself on her. She has a hard enough time trusting people and look what I did. I was every bit as unreliable as her mother.” He paced across the room, gazing unseeing out the window.
“What do you want, Son?”
He spun around. “I wantthem. I want to braid Paisley’s hair and read them books before bed. I want to get the soap out of Evvie’s eyes. I want to take them to soccer practice and wait for the first dates to knock on the door. I want to take pictures of them at prom. I want to walk them down the aisle because I’m their dad. I’ll never be Darren, but I’ll do my damnedest to be as good for them as I can possibly be.” The gap between what he wanted and what he could have seemed impossible to bridge. “But she doesn’t want me.”
“I’ll say it again. Show her.”
“I heard you, but I don’t know how to do that.” His gaze snapped over to his dad. “Are you suggesting I quit hockey?” He glanced down at the papers on his desk.
“What is that?” His dad picked them up.
A bullet train of hope roared through him. “It’s an extension contract.”
His dad scanned it, his eyebrows hitching up. “That’s a lot of money. They must really like you.”
Cole cracked a grin. “Yeah, I do all right.”
“Are you going to sign it?”
“You know, for so long I’ve felt like I owed this team for giving me a shot.”