Before Hailey.
The sharp contrast between his home and the one he’d grown up in lodged between his ribs, making it uncomfortable to breathe. Because he had so few good memories here, and at his place, he had little girl giggles, and Hailey’s expression when he walked into a room—
Yes, that.That right there.
Fuck.
The way her eyes warmed, and color bloomed across her cheeks.
That’s what I want to see for the rest of my life.
He could have that. If he stayed alert and watched himself. He could hold onto them.
Just because his nanny had said something when he was a kid didn’t mean it held true today.
Did it?"Dad?" He wandered through the house. When he didn’t see him downstairs, he headed up. “You here, Dad?” He found him in his office, sitting at his desk, the glow of the laptop screen casting a blue tint on his features. “Hey. What’s up? You reading a script?”
“No.” He seemed disoriented, like Cole was pulling him out of a memory. “Nothing like that. You can come in.”
Cole headed for the desk, expecting to find a contract or something business related. Instead, he found a recording of a Youth Hockey League game. Why was he watching little kids? “Wait, that’s Kurt.” He leaned in. “That’smypractice. I was, what, twelve?”
“Thirteen.”
“How did you get this?” He supposed one of the parents might’ve recorded it, but they usually did that for games. Not practices. “Are you stalking social media?”
“Nope.” His dad shut the laptop. “I hired someone.”
“What?”
His normally jovial dad looked tired. “When you first came to me, you were…God, you were cute. Cutest little kid I’d ever seen. But I didn’t know what the hell to do with you. I’d just made my first break-out film, and I had to be in a hundred places at once.” He scraped a hand through his longish hair that still had more pepper than salt. “I wanted to be there for you, but I couldn’t. And then I did the next movie and the one after that, and I realized I was going to miss just about everything. So, I hired someone to record it all. Your practices, your games. Even the year you joined the tennis team. And yeah, I watched that footage, too. Glad to see there was one sport you weren’t good at. Guess you’re human after all.”
“I wasn’t good because Kurt told me not to join, that if I fucked up my knees or my elbows, he’d kick my ass. He told me if I wanted to be great at something, I had to dedicate myself to it. He said there was nothing wrong with playing a lot of sports and trying a lot of things, but I could only be great at one thing.”
That wiped the smile off his dad’s face. “He was more of a dad to you than I was.”
Cole hunched a shoulder. “He was a coach. You’re my dad. Why didn’t I know I was being recorded?”
“I didn’t want you performing for the camera. I just wanted to see you being you.”
“I don’t know what to say right now.” He couldn’t say it made him happy. No, something about it seemed off.
“There’s nothing to say. I made the wrong choice. And I only know that because I’ve watched you this week and realize what I missed out on. What you missed out on. And I honestly don’t know how the hell you’re such a natural with those girls when you had no role models. None at all. You didn’t have a mother, and your father…instead of giving you traditions,holidays, took you to exotic places around the world.” He shook his head. “How did I get it so wrong?”
He didn’t like seeing his dad so upset. “You didn’t get anything wrong. It’s the nature of your career.” Just like mine. “And, come on. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“But that’s what being a natural means. You don’t know what you’re doing, and yet your instincts are spot-on. You know what to say. You know how to handle situations—”
“You’re the one who gave me Deborah’s number. And I’m in parenting forums. I look things up.”
Energized, his dad got up. “That’s what I’m saying. You think I looked anything up?Myinstinct was to make you laugh, keep you smiling, keep your mind off your problems by taking you on some grand adventure. But I watched you with Evvie the other day. You got down on your knees and looked her in the eyes and gave her the honest truth about her mom and dad. You didn’t try to distract her. You didn’t offer her a Disney cruise to get her mind off of it.” Hands scraping his hair back, he spun away from him. “I didn’t even know that bitch was neglecting you until the school called.” His dad dropped his gaze to his boots, shaking his head. “It went on for years.” His voice went tight, strained. “And I didn’t know.”
“She came from a top agency, and she’d been a nanny for twenty years.”
“A shitty one.” When he turned back around, tears glittered. “Myson.” He smacked his chest with a fist. “She neglected my son.” His voice cracked. “I loved you from the moment I set eyes on you. When that man traded you for cash, I was caught between wanting to punch his lights out and being so damn grateful to rescue you from someone who would’ve treated you like his wife’s bastard kid.”
“I know you loved me, Dad. I never doubted it.”
“I made the wrong choice. And it took me watching you with children who aren’t even yours to see that.” His dad inhaled deeply, straightened his shoulders, and looked Cole in the eyes. “You’re a better man than I could ever be, and I’m so damn proud of you. I can’t change the past, but I can do better from this moment on.”