She’s like a little girl, seeking out trouble because she knows she needs to feel what it is like to be in trouble. I can do that for her. I don’t mind if she hates me. I’ll be whatever she needs.
“Alright,” Jason says, now that she seems to understand there might be consequences for her actions. “We’re going to go over the rules of the retreat. This will save you further pain. Firstly, you do as you are told. We are in a remote region of Nepal, and there are real dangers here. Secondly, you do not leave this compound unattended, for much the same reason. Thirdly, you do as you’re told.
Aslin
What. The. Actual. Fuck. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. I can’t believe a sane person could form those words with a straight face. Do as I am told? They really don’t know me at all. I’ve never done as I was told.
“Okay. You’re both crazy, and I’m going home. I’ll go sit by the dock.”
Soren grips me by the back of my jumpsuit, fisting his hand in the loose fabric. “Not for at least three weeks, you’re not,” he says. “You paid us to provide a service, and we’re going to provide it, whether you like it or not.”
“But…”
“No buts,” he says. “Settle down and do as you’re told. Make this easier on yourself. Please.”
“Please?”
“Yes, as in, please don’t make me bend you over and cane you on your first day.”
“You wouldn’t!” I gasp, scandalized.
“I would,” he says.
I look around again, as if there might be some additional cues besides the bamboo, which I am pretty sure is actually a plantation and not entirely native, but that’s the least of my concerns right now. “What the… what is this place?”
Soren offers his hand to help me stand. I take it, only because I feel a little wobbly. I did know this was some kind of special retreat, but I chose it because how far it was from everything else. I didn’t pay any attention to the details. They weren’t important at the time.
“It’s somewhere for people like you. People who can’t get what they need anywhere else, in any other way. People who crave something nobody else seems to need, but they can’t live without.”
I look into his stunning blue eyes, and I feel like he might be the first person who has ever actually seen me. Most people just think I’m a bitch. They’re not wrong.
“This is where you’ll sleep, eat, and train,” Soren says, indicating the gazebo. “Bathrooms are out back. Can’t miss them. There’s a rain shower too.”
Of course the showers are cold. Of course they are. This is my personal bad place and I’ve manifested it by not paying attention while planning my escape from the real world. Fuck my actual life.
“I really can’t do this,” I say, turning around so I can face them both. “I mean, I made a huge mistake here. It’s obvious we’re all going to make each other crazy if I stay here, so why not just call the boat back — and don’t tell me you can’t, because there has to be some provision for emergencies.”
“We’re not using our emergency travel plans for you because you’ve thrown a tantrum on the first hour of the first day,” Jason says grimly. This dude fucking hates me, I can already tell. Can’t say I blame him. Most men learn to hate me sooner or later.
“This is the worst retreat ever. What am I even paying for? The accommodation is sub-par, the service is non-existent…”
“You’re paying for our personal attention for the duration of your stay,” Soren says. “And you’re paying for Jason to keep his temper enough not to throw you in the river in return.”
I look at Jason aghast. He does look like he thinks that would be a good idea.
“We’re not going to hurt you…” Soren continues.
“Says the guy who hit me with a cane.”
“That’s different. That’s what you’re here for. You can’t control your emotions or regulate your moods. Your chaos affects others, and it makes your life hard. You’re isolated. And you’re tired of it.”
“I…” my jaw is fucking dropped. “I know I didn’t write any of that on that ridiculously long form I had to fill in.”
“You didn’t have to,” Soren says.
“Oh for fuck’s sake…” I don’t even know what I am swearing at. I just know that it feels good to swear. I’m still wearing my cute tropical style jumpsuit that actually worked on the boat, but when he talks to me like that, I feel naked. “Tell me I can get a drink, at least. Tell me you have beer.”
“You can have a beer when you earn one,” Jason says.
“Where do we sleep? There aren’t even beds.”
“There are bed rolls. They’re stored away in the center pillar there, as is everything we need to cook and survive. We put them down every night, and we roll them away every morning. You’ll do the same. Day begins at five in the morning. We meditate until seven, and…”