“Halfway done already.” Luna’s fingers flew across her keyboard. “And seriously, Fallyn, are we allowed to talk to you now? Because I’m so tired of talking to you through Nigel.”
Did Elliot know about that? Would thinking about him hurt this much forever?
“I’ll send you my personal email,” Fallyn said. “Don’t share it withanyone. You can talk to me whenever you want.”
“Yay.” Luna clapped. “Okay, you’re set on this side. I’m sending you instructions for the rest. Let me know when you get them.”
Luna and Fallyn spend the next little while making sure Fallyn was set to get back into the game, and that her phone no longer matched the clone, so it could be blocked. When Fallyn hung up, I was pretty sure they were BFF’s.
We couldn’t escort Bryce off the Loading Java property, but Luna made a call to Violet, who made sure Bryce was asked to leave, and that he wouldn’t be allowed back in.
The adrenaline of the find, of the fix, of the entire day, still pumped through my veins.
NowI had to see Elliot. Fuck the consequences.
30/
elliot
Iknew when the game went down. The alerts still came to my phone, and I could see as well as any other player in the world that the servers were offline.
The only thing that kept me from driving into the office right then was the concern that if I did, it would be the last time they let me set foot on the property. And even then, I only thought that because Judith texted me to tell me as much.
If the game hadn’t come back online by noon, I was fully prepared to call her bluff. But it did, and that left me wondering if I was prepared to drive in anyway. I wanted to know everything was okay. I wanted to see people. I wanted to see Link.
Maybe the visit would be the thing that stopped the conversation with Brandon from playing on repeat in my head. His words shouldn’t have hit me so hard or made me feelso much. It was thefeelingthat I hated the most. At least, when it was this raw and empty.
If I had to have feelings, I wanted the good ones back. The ones caused by waking up next to Link. By collaborating with people I trusted and appreciated. By having Fallyn here.
The last thought smacked into me hard, and I didn’t like it. If I thought about her, I’d have to face the emptiness her name summoned, and I wouldn’t have the time I needed to numb those spots in my heart and move on. As if summoned by the repeated flashing of her name and face in my mind, my phone chimed with an alert that she was about to do a livestream.
Oops. My thumb must’ve slipped last time I was on her channel, and I accidentally signed up for notifications or something.
I couldn’t stop myself from clicking the link, any more than I could look away from theStream Starting Soonflashcard that included the graphic that wasn’t supposed to look like a broken penis, but totally did, withFallyn’s Phallusiesscrawled across it.
The woman who appeared on screen didn’t match thefuck youtone of her title graphic, and she barely looked like the Fallyn who had left here just a few days ago. Her hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail, dark shadows lingered under her eyes, and she wasn’t looking at the camera.
I wanted to tell her it was going to be all right. That everything was. I didn’t have that right, she didn’t want to hear it from me, and it wasn’t a promise I could keep.
“Hey, all.” There was no brightness to her voice. “I’m sorry there hasn’t been any new content in a while. I always wondered if I’d ever be making one of these videos and here we are. Achievement Unlocked, am I right?” Her laugh was flat. “Anyway, I’m dealing with some burnout, and I need to take some time away to re-evaluate… everything. Not sure when I’ll be back or if the channel will look the same as it does now. But while I figure it out, thank you to everyone who’s supported me, fuck you to everyone who hasn’t, and go out there and break something I would.”
That was it. The screen went black. The stream was over.
“You can’t.” My own voice startled me. Was I talking to a blank square? Was I arguing for Fallyn to not quit?
Yes. I wasn’t going to survive denying myself or how much I missed her.
I heard the front door swing open and shut, and footsteps. King ran toward the sound with happy barks, which didn’t reassure me as to the safety of the situation. I stepped into the hallway to find Link stalking toward me. His scowl said I probably shouldn’t smile, but I couldn’t help it.
“What are you doing?” His question didn’t have any point of reference.
The correct answer might bepondering my own mortality, but I wasn’t willing to risk it. I showed him my phone, and hitReplayon the video I’d just watched.
Hearing Fallyn say it a second time didn’t make the news any easier to process, and watching Link’s expression shift to angry definitely made the situation worse. He fixed a glare on me. “No more bullshit. What did you say to her that made her leave?”
Nothing. I did what needed to be done. There was my reply. Easy. Direct. No emotion. “I fucked up.”Fuck, it hurt to say so, but the confession was also a relief. “I fucked up and I don’t think I can make it right.”
“Seems that way.” Link’s voice was tight.