He should be grateful that was the answer, but the sick churning in my gut understood why he wasn’t.
“I yanked everything as soon as I saw it go up,” Fallyn said. “Deleted it. Scrubbed it. It’s all off my site.”
Elliot shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. People have links. They’ve already cloned the information.”
This wasn’t real. The strange sensation I had of being disconnected from my body? It was because I was dreaming, and this was some sort of surreal manifestation of my deepest fears.
Because yes, what the three of us did in game was all fun, consensual, and three adults just letting off steam in a game.
But the conflict of interest. The fact that Elliot and I broke non-fraternization rules. That he was my boss. That the person we were with was not only arival channelbut an attractive, confident woman?
The internet was going to dogpile on this. The board of directors was going to be furious. I wasn’t sure which would be more damaging to our lives and careers.
“Maybe it won’t be a big deal.” I didn’t believe my own words for a nanosecond. This was going to be a big fucking deal.
22/
fallyn
This was so, so bad.
It was bad for Elliot and Link, but for me…
My channel was based on impartiality. This news destroyed that reputation. Like a right proper Thanos snap.
I could maybe recover. Rebrand myself. Shift my paradigm. Not that I wanted to change who I was online, but I could. It was worse than that, though. I’d known female streamers who had been forced to move. Shut down their channels. Go into hiding. Because the internet discovered the woman they watched for her ample cleavage, while she played games at a level they could never hope to, was actually a real person, who did things like have adult relationships and sex.
I needed to fix thisnowand I didn’t want to be at odds with Link and Elliot while I did so. Turning my attention to Link, I said, “You know I didn’t do this. Please believe me. It hurts me as much as it does the two of you.” More. “And even if it didn’t, I wouldn’t ever. Not this.”
“I know.” Such a simple response from Link, but one that meant the world to me.
I turned a pleading gaze on Elliot. Not that playing off his sympathy had ever worked before.
“I know. It wasn’t you.” Elliot’s reply almost made me cry in relief. “We’ll figure out who, but we also have to make this right.”
“We can’t deny it,” Link said.
My heart sank at the implication, and that it was his first reaction. I didn’t want to deny anything that had happened with him. With them. I didn’t want to pretend our relationship wasn’t… whatever this was. And I adored that Link felt the same.
I also knew Elliot was thinking the opposite, even if it wasn’t for cruel reasons, and that he was right. “I think we have to,” I said.
Elliot nodded.
“No.” Link was more forceful this time. “How does anyone even know that Kittie in the chats is the same person as Fallyn? We didn’t know.”
“They don’t have toknowit.” I wished this one little thing wasn’t true, but it was the way the internet worked. “As long as someone claims it’s real, that’s enough to make it real.”
“It also makes things easier for us to deny.” Elliot was sliding into emotionlessness. Was this where he cut himself off from the world again? I didn’t want to see that.
The noise Link made was half growl half sigh and just as much achingly terrifying. “Stop sayingdeny.”
The pain in my chest—was that panic? A heart attack? Or maybe my heart cracking and breaking? When did I dig myself in so deep with these two? I wanted to agree with Link, but I had to side with Elliot. And regardless of anything else, “Whatever you do, whatever you say, we all have to agree. I’ll stand with you on this. I don’t…”
I sighed. This was harder than it should be. “I don’t like the idea of hiding anything, and I’m not willing to forget the last week.” Had it only been a week? And less than that of getting along.
But nearly a year of online chatting. Of falling for voices and actions rather than appearances or people. And now, that was going to destroy us. “But for the public, I stand by you and your decisions.”
Elliot’s phone rang.