We both chuckled together, and it was nice. “Yeah, maybe you’re right,” he gave in. “You were never annoying like Reagan.”
Laughing, I shook my head. “And speaking of growing up, what aboutyou? You’re twenty-seven and single. Your sisters are both married and beginning the next stages of their lives. How does that make you feel?”
He shrugged. “Lucky. I’m enjoying my freedom.”
“Yeah, I bet you are. It must be nice to come and go as you please. Have sex with anyone you want, whenever you want.”
Ethan smirked at me. “Is that jealousy I hear?”
“Of course, it is. I’d give anything to be able to do what I want.”
“No, no, not that. I’m talking about the ‘sex with anyone you want’ part. Your voice sounded a little angry when you said it.”
“Nope, not at all,” I fired back with a smile. “Trust me. I couldn’t care less what you do in your free time.”
“Okay, cupcake, let’s switch things around. You’re twenty-three and single. Your two best friends, who are also my sisters, are happily married. How does that makeyoufeel?”
Ethan glanced over at me, his blue eyes searching mine before he had to focus back on the road. How did it make me feel? The first emotion I felt was happiness, but there was something else, something deeper. I never realized it until now. I was sad, envious, and a part of me was angry. The truth was, I didn’t know if I’d ever have what they had.
“Peyton?”
“Sorry,” I said, my voice low, “I’m actually ashamed to admit my real feelings.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
I stared down at my hands in my lap. “I mean, I am happy for them, but I’m worried I’ll never find that kind of happiness. With the way my life is, it’ll be impossible. The media tear people like me apart. I’ve worked with so many couples who were in love but being in the public eye and having trash written about them all the time broke them up. It’s sad.”
Ethan shrugged. “Maybe they weren’t strong enough together to handle it.”
“You think it’s that easy?”
“Why not?” he said, meeting my gaze. “I don’t give a rat’s ass what the media says about me. I know who I am. And if someone were to write something false, I’d hope the person I’m with could trust me.” He cleared his throat. “Take you, for instance. I’d have to watch you make out with other men in your movies if you were mine. I’m sure there’d be some speculation about an on-screen affair or some shit like that. I have no doubt this new one coming out in a few months has some pretty hot and heavy scenes with you and another guy. I’ve seen the teaser trailers.”
I could feel the burn rise in my cheeks, but he had a point. “That’s why it’ll be hard and almost impossible for me to keep a relationship. I’m an actress, and I have to kiss a lot of men in my movies. I haven’t fallen for any of them.”
Ethan scoffed. “Really? What about Josh Mayfield? You were both into it from what I saw on those clips.” Now, who had jealousy in their voice?
A laugh escaped my lips, and I turned to him. “Josh is gay, Ethan.”
Ethan’s eyes widened when he glanced over at me. “For real?”
“Yes,” I said, laughing again. “I think we had more chemistry together than I had with any of my straight costars. Josh was the best. His boyfriend was there watching us on set.”
Ethan shook his head. “There’s no way in hell I could’ve watched that.”
“Well, at least you don’t have to worry about it,” I said. “We’re not together.”
A sigh escaped his lips. “No, we’re not.”
Even if we wanted to be, we couldn’t.
CHAPTER5
ETHAN
We pulled into the parking lot of Peyton’s apartment complex, and I parked beside the silver Audi R8 she never drove. I scanned the lot, and I didn’t see any paparazzi around. It didn’t mean they weren’t there, though.
The last hour of our trip had been spent in silence, except for the music on the radio. Every now and again, I’d watch Peyton out of the corner of my eye, at the way the wind would blow through her midnight-colored hair. All that did was drive me insane, especially when it’d blow her honeysuckle scent my way.