“Yeah, Theo. It is. And you know what? Lily is a beautiful girl.”
I shift my weight, my arms swelling with energy as my hands ball into fists. James shuts the dishwasher drawer, eliminating our barrier, and my chest puffs as he steps closer to me. I sway with angry energy as his eyes lock on mine, and when he pushes his finger into the center of my chest, I reinforce my position, not budging an inch. I’m acutely aware that his dad, my coach, is steps away, but right now I’m that irrational kind of pissed off, the kind when trashing my future seems completely fucking worthwhile.
We’re close enough to kiss, sucking up the oxygen before the other one has a chance to breathe. James raises his chin a tick, enough to make his glare on me a hair more judgmental. I feel my nostrils flare.
“You wanna read my text?From Lily?” He’s baiting me, patting his side pocket where his phone is.
“Fuck you, man,” I seethe.
He lunges at me, and I flinch but brace myself. Part of me wants to get hit. A second later, though, he’s backing away, laughing under his breath though his mouth is far from smiling. He pulls his phone from his pocket and slides it on the counter. It spins and stops so his messages face me. I glance at the temptation, my fingers itching to open the one labeled LILY.
“Go on. Read what has you so worked up and ready to fight me. See for yourself what an asshole I am.”
I gnaw at the inside of my cheek and rap my fist against the side of my leg a few times before giving in and tapping the icon on his phone to open Lily’s message.
LILY:I’m sorry about that. Theo and I are complicated. Can you tell him where I am when he seems rational enough to talk? I’m in his stupid lair.
My finger swipes to close her message and I stare at the blank screen while my skin tingles with humiliation. James palms his phone and slips it back in his pocket, then leans against the counter with his arms crossed.
“I get that you two are complicated.” He breathes out a laugh. “Believe me, I got that almost the second I was in a three-way conversation with the two of you. And you don’t have to tell me about the reasons for it. I know enough about you both. I don’t need to dig on your trauma. Like I said, Theo, I’m a nice guy. Lily is my friend. AndI thinkwe’re friends. And while maybe I’d be into her in another situation, I know when a girl is not mine. And Lily . . . she’s taken.”
My tongue poised behind my teeth, I breathe out once, harsh, and ragged, before my eyes blink their way to James. They burn, and I feel tears welling in their depths. I’m not going to cry, but the hurt and need pushing out from my insides is physically painful and it must go somewhere.
“I’m . . . sorry,” I croak. I’m far from proud right now. I swallow hard and James shifts his stance, signaling we’re no longer alone.
“Everything all right in here, gentlemen?” His dad’s voice is a mix of parent and mentor, and I wish I had a man in my life who sounded like that. I did, once. A long time ago.
“We’re all good, yeah,” James says, reaching his hand out to me. I glance up to meet his eyes and he directs my attention to his hand. I grasp it and he pulls me in, patting my back with his other hand.
“Go tell her . . . whatever it is you need to tell her,” James says at my ear.
I nod and pat his back in return before we break apart. I turn into his father and reach out my hand in thanks. We shake once.
“Thanks for everything, Coach. I was feeling some shit just now. James helped me work through it.”
His dad narrows his eyes on me, then glances to his son before nodding.
“Good. Now work through your pass sequence.”
James and I both laugh, and the release feels good, injecting a little life back into my arms and legs.
“Yes, sir,” I say as I back out of the kitchen area and cross through the living room.
“I’ll be in late,” I say to Cameron as I pass. He pauses the game and shoots me a knowing look complete with the smug grimace he wears as anI told you so.He holds up a peace sign, then turns his attention back to game.
I snag my shoes from by the door and do my best to slip them on mid stride toward the library. I reach the door in less than a minute and slide the deadbolt in place after I enter. Lily’s head bobs up from the far desk where she’s sitting with her things spread out, a small lamp the only light in the room. I’m not even sure she can see me from this far. I see her, though.
I see her.
Her brown hair is lit gold at the edges from the lamp’s light, her cheeks red, probably from crying. She’s too far to be able to tell, but her silence is telling. She knows it’s me. Who else would it be?
“James told me you were here.” My voice sounds raw, my throat still decompressing from wanting to growl with jealousy a minute before. I could not have spoken more obvious words.
“Are we done?” She flattens her palms atop her notebook and pencil against the desk and lifts her chin.
I pass through the rows of desks between us and stop a few feet short of her, dropping my hands in my pockets and letting her beauty literally punch me in the chest. I nod slowly.
“Yeah, Lily. We’re done.”