I slip through his door and shut it quietly, my stomach burning with stress. My jokes can usually get me out of situations. Anika always said I could be “disarming.” I’m starting to think maybe that was not a compliment.
“Theo, have a minute?” Apparently, it’s Abby’s turn to scold me. Maybe she’ll find it more amusing, being on the editorial side.
I follow her to her office and as I take the seat across from her desk she closes the door. My body warms and I straighten my spine. If one is to be fired, they should at least have good posture for it.
“Abby, I’m really sorry about this mess.”
“Oh, that?” She bunches her face and waves her hand in the direction of Todd’s office as she rounds her desk and takes her seat. “That’s a sales problem. Todd will have Cosmo meeting him for drinks during his next visit in no time. Somehow, he’ll work this into a bigger account. He’s that good.”
I smile tightly on one half of my mouth. I didn’t quite get that vibe from my last conversation, but okay. She knows Todd better than I do.
“I have a proposal for you.” She leans in, hands in the praying position. I rest my palms on my knees and rub them. They’re sweating.
“You had your heart set on editorial, and I think it’s amazing that you and Lily have found a way to both get your foot in here.” It’s funny how only a day and a half working in sales has taught me the differences in smiles. Abby is pitching me. Of course, if it gets me out of sales,well?
“Like I said before. I’m glad to be in this building.” In the spirit of things, I channel my inner Lily and offer an awkward fist pump. Abby laughs.
“Love it! Love the team spirit,” she says.
My pulse is thrumming. I want to hit fast-forward on her mouth and get to the point, past the point. I want to be hired in editorial and working on big stories. Hell, I want to be getting coffee for writers working on big stories. Just get me out of sales.
“Tell me what you think about this. And maybe, take the day, or the week.”
My shoulders deflate a little at her nonchalant delivery. I guess it was shooting high to think she’d start begging me to join her writing staff right now, today.
I nod.
“Lily’s story, it’s really something.” Her eyes narrow and her mouth pulls into a serious line. My stomach folds in on itself until it’s nothing at all.
Lily’s story is also my story.
“Uh huh.” My voice croaks and I don’t bother to clear my throat or make it sound any less skeptical. She notices. I can tell by the slight tilt of her head.
“You and Lily are . . . close?”
My chest caves.
I suck in my bottom lip and breathe in long and hard through my nose as I sit back in my chair. Eventually, I lift one shoulder, because how do I answer that? I’m still trying to define it. And I’m doing a shit job at navigating our relationship.
“Sure.” That’s the best I can give.
“I mentioned this to Lily last time you guys were here, so she’s thinking about it too. But after she and I talked, I got to thinking—maybe it would be easier for her to tell her story if she was talking to a friend.”
I am no longer here. My head is nodding. I’m pursing my lips and trying to push a smile into its edges, but the darkness is closing in at my periphery. My view has narrowed to the dimmest of light around Abby’s form as her head moves and her hands gesture with her words that sound like muffled horns.
“What do you think?”
I shake my head from the fog.
“I . . . don’t know.”
No. The answer is no. I will not interview the girl I have feelings for—feelings I can’t get straight—about what it was like the night she failed to save my sister. No.
No. No. No!
But that’s not what I say at all. And apparently, not what Lily said either when Abby approached her with the idea.
Chapter17