“Friday, then? Our first game is Saturday.” I catch the end of whatever James is planning as I step up.
“Are we talking about pre-game? Tailgate or going out? There’s a great place two stops from here on the T—” I stop talking when I notice James’ head shaking.
“Nah, man. Lily said she needs a shopping partner, and I’ve gotta get a few things at the mall, so we were thinking of going Friday since practice will be short,” James says.
I stare at him with a blank face for a second, then shift my gaze to Lily. She smiles with tight lips, her face colored pink with the awkward feeling building around us.
“I see.” I tuck my top lip under my bottom teeth as a precaution, to keep the irrational shit I want to say from spilling out. So what if they go shopping. Lily and I talked about it, but we didn’t really make plans.
“You could come too, if you want.” Lily throws me a bone of an invite. I know that tone, the pity tone. It’s a verbal Band-Aid. I would rather field another sheet of cold calls before playing third wheel to these two.
“Ah, that’s okay. I’m sure James has things handled. You two have fun.” I hold up my whiskey as if I’m toasting this bullshit, then down it completely before slamming the glass on the desk right between her and James. It was an obvious tantrum, and the only thing helping me save face as I turn and walk toward the dooris that Morgan didn’t see it.
“Yo, you leaving?” Cameron is licking the paper for his joint and he looks up at me mid-tongue-to-paper.
“Try not to burn this place down, huh?” I flick his joint with my finger, ruining it, and I don’t really feel bad about it.
“Hey! You’re a real dick sometimes, you know that, Theo?” He flips me off and I press my back against the exit.
“So I’ve heard.” My mouth stops in a hard line and I look past my roommate to Lily. Naturally,nowshe’s looking at me. This is what she sees. Well, fine. Maybe that’s the side of me she should have gotten all along. I don’t know why I thought letting my guard down would do anyone any good.
Chapter15
Lily
I’m not a big shopper. I don’t enjoy it. Probably because things never seem to fit me right, and unlike my friends, I don’t exactly have a no-limit credit card to go all willy-nilly with. I have to be choosy, which is code for clearance rack. It’s rare that I find a bargain that is also in my size and stretches around my curves but also hugs my waist. Things are either skintight at the hips and arms or baggy around the neck and waist.
My dad always says I should embrace my muscles. It’s easier to do when he’s guilt-buying me things from the active wear websites. I can’t exactly parlay active wear into office attire, thoughThe Affiliateis rather sporty.
Dad buys me a lot of things out of guilt. He bought my time at Welles. It used to make me sad, but by now, I’m fine with the good education and occasional sports bra in the mail. I gave up trying to have a relationship with him, even though my mom likes to call me “daddy’s favorite.” I quit arguing with her. If I were his favorite, I’d get more than one-word answers to the texts I send when I need something.
Nothing stings quite like getting left onreadby your own father.
I need to get out of this shopping trip with James. It’s upsetting Morgan, which it shouldn’t because James spent the rest of the night after Theo stormed out prodding me to invite Morgan to come along with us. I get the feeling he’s flirting with me to get her attention, which . . . I don’t like. She won’t, either. Hell, maybe I should let the two of them go and pick out a wardrobe for me. It would help if they picked up the tab too.
I’ll have that talk with James tomorrow, when we study. I dolikestudying with him. He listens to me, and I think he’s maybe getting something out of the lit course. We’ve set up standing dates on Thursday nights after their practice and on Sundays.
If I could just get myself to make the same commitment to my time in the pool maybe I’d be ready to tell Coach to add me to the roster. I have yet to make it through a full lap.
That’s the goal tonight. One lap. Nothing more required, but nothing less acceptable. Or so I keep repeating to myself mentally as I near the fieldhouse.
I have everything with me tonight. My bag is filled as if I were going to a real practice—energy packet, water bottle, cap and goggles, chafing stick, earplugs. My thought is, if I treat this like the real thing, then just maybe I’ll make it.
My sweatpants hang low on my hips over my suit as I shuffle in my slides the remaining distance to the doors. I drop my bag before getting out my key and removing my hoodie to stuff into my gym bag. It will be warm by the pool, warmer than out here. Humid. I miss the smell.
I knot my hair in a tight bun and stand up straight, key in hand and poised to unlock, only it’s unnecessary. James and Theo are staring at me from the other side of the door. I slink back a step and sigh before nodding at the door, which James opens. Theo stays back a few steps, his eyes slits as he studies me. I’m not sure what his judgement is for. Is it because I’m swimming again after he had to save me? Or is it because he doubts my success? The latter seems most probable, and I don’t blame him. I scared him.
I scared me.
“Hey, you’re back at it! Want company?” James’ enthusiasm is a bit off-putting. My confidence isn’t steady to begin with; it’s definitely not audience-ready.
“Oh, yeah. No.” I laugh out of one side of my mouth, then grit my teeth behind an awkward smile. “I’m more into solo swimming right now. But . . . thanks?”
“Sure. Yeah, I get it. Competitive mindset and all,” James says, tapping his finger to his temple. They’re both sweaty, shirts soaked to their skin, leaving little to imagine when it comes to their pecs and abs. I’m guessing they put in some extra lifting after practice today. Or based on the way Theo left yesterday, maybe they went a few rounds on the wrestling mat. I’m tempted to tease about it, but there’s something in Theo’s expression that warns me not to. His eyes have somehow hazed more, and I think maybe his jaw is flexing. Either that or he’s chewing on bolts.
“I should get to it,” I say, pointing to the hallway beyond James, away from Theo.
James steps to the side and I chance a quick look in Theo’s direction. He’s wiping sweat from his forehead with the hem of his shirt, exposing his washboard abs. The sight makes my mouth water a little, which causes instant blush, and as I turn my attention back to my destination, I smack right into the wall.