He laughed. ‘For your film debut, you have made an impact. It’s a gutsy role and you looked like you felt it.’
I nodded. I had to be careful what I said, this wasn’t a chat between us, this was being reported.
‘I loved the role from the moment I read for it, largely because it wasn’t a pretty role. It was dark and dirty, painful and frustrating. I wanted to get my character and give her a good shake sometimes. I wanted to tell her to run off with the man she loved, but I understood her obligations.’
‘Is it fair to say there is a bit of life imitating art for you in that role?’ he asked.
‘Well, I’ve never been a crack whore … yet,’ I said, and he laughed, ‘but there wouldn’t be one adult on the planet that couldn’t relate to love, loss or sacrifice.’Phew, I think I circumnavigated that one.
He nodded and glanced around as Edgar approached.
‘Thank you, enjoy the screening and the reviews,’ he said, and we shook hands. He turned to grab Edgar as he came near, and I smiled at Edgar and headed over to the ‘fans’ to get pics with them as promised.
They were lovely and it felt surreal. I hope I never take it for granted or get tarnished by it. I remember meeting my singing idol when I was thirteen and I still remember the thrill. I wanted to be gracious because most of them weren’t there for me of course, they were there for Travis, Holly and Edgar. But maybe in my next film or the one after, I’ll have the lead.
Then Isabella arrived. And she was not alone.
*****
It was like I was moving in slow motion or through water. I only knew Isabella had arrived because a young girl in the fan area called her name and began waving frantically. I was terrified to turn around and look to see if Heath was on her arm, but I had my question answered by the number of cameras that swung to me for my reaction. He was with her for sure.
Thank God for the publicist, Astrid, who saved me. She pulled me away from the fans and from whoever was coming up the rear and directed me back towards the red carpet ‘pose area’. I was so uncomfortable with having to stand against a backdrop and move left, right, back, and front, while the photographers snapped away. God, what if Heath was watching me? He’d die laughing at my awkwardness – picture a baby giraffe trying to find her feet. I’m an actress, not a model. Why did I have to do that? But I didn’t want to appear precious or difficult so I did what I was told and gave thanks that I didn’t have to focus on Isabella’s arrival.
Edgar was not far behind me and he joined me for some photos and then I was moved on most graciously so that the photographers could get some shots of him on his own. I went to the edge of the fan area while I waited for him and signed autographs.
It sounds bizarre to say but I felt Heath; his powerful presence behind me and I could smell his cologne. I loved his fragrance and it was his signature scent. I finished signing the autographs and, conscious that we were being observed and filmed, I turned and there he was, an arm’s length from me.
‘Hello Cathy, you look beautiful,’ he said, his hands in his suit pocket, as he rocked on his heels. My heart stopped, and the pain came back from nowhere … as if it had been stored next to my heart and was released on seeing him.
He looked amazing. Fuck him.
I cleared my throat. ‘Thank you, you look great too,’ I said, taking in his dark suit, his short hair and how it accentuated his jawline. I glanced around for Edgar who caught my eye and nodded. He was on his way.
‘Enjoy your night, I’m sure you will be brilliant,’ Heath said, and turned back to the red carpet, hooking his arm for Isabella to link into as she made her way towards us.
Weirdly I didn’t want Edgar, I wanted Nelly; I wanted to be inside with her, seated, talking about who was wearing what, gossiping and sharing our fears before the screening. I knew all the cameras were pointed at us. Edgar reached me and kissed his sister on the cheek. She reciprocated to me. God what hypocrites we were, pretending we were all such good friends.
I couldn’t leave too soon without creating rumours so I glanced again at Astrid, the publicist, who read me. I love her, I owe her. A few moments later she came and moved us on, sending Isabella and Heath inside to find their seats, and pushing Edgar towards another reporter.
I left Edgar to finish his interview and indicated I was going in. I just hoped Heath and Isabella weren’t seated near us. The cinema was small enough without having to share breathing space with them. Why couldn’t they stay away and just let us enjoy our opening night? Surely Edgar doesn’t need Isabella’s support at every opening – he has me now.
I took a deep breath. I was about to see my film debut and Heath would be watching my first ever screen role at the same time. Agony.
Chapter 27 – The film was out there
Edgar slipped into the seat beside me; the cinema was packed with special guests, VIPs, cast, crew and media, and then the cinema was darkened. I couldn’t hold my breath for two hours, so I would just have to get immersed in the film and get over myself and all my fears! Isabella and Heath were across the aisle with the guest VIPs, thank the Lord for that. And then, the film began. I felt queasy. Edgar must have read me and pulled me close for a kiss. I saw a flash – really? We can’t even sneak a kiss in the dark of the cinema, sigh.
‘I’d say good luck but it is a little late now,’ I whispered to him.
He agreed. ‘I’m proud of this film, and I’m thrilled with your work and everyone’s, just wait and see.’
We sat back to watch – me for the first time seeing it all come together with a good edit, music and effects. I was immersed and it was so weird seeing my friends—the cast—on the screen. Wow, I’d have to get used to that.
Then my breath hitched; it was me, larger than life. Edgar squeezed my hand. Oh my God, I barely recognised myself. I looked dark and wasted – fantastic, the perfect victim cum crack whore. I got a bit upset seeing myself there, it was weird. I don’t think it was because I could relate to my character, but it was as if all the emotion on my face was a storybook for me … reminding me of the break-up with Heath. How pained I looked; how raw it was then. Wow, it felt like a million years ago, but it was all there on display, and then the scene moved on. Would Heath recognise my anguish?
I had another six or so scenes and they didn’t impact me as much as the first, and then it was over and the credits ran, and the audience got to their feet and applauded. We all joined in and I turned to applaud Edgar who gave me a grateful nod and then a kiss … it felt incredible to be his plus one on his star night. The crowd cheered and I was thrilled but I know they were also caught up in the red-carpet moment and having all the actors and crew there in the cinema. But I’m not complaining, the clapping was deafening, so I’m guessing they did like it! The reviews and box office attendance would be telling.
The editing, music, lighting, camera angles, acting, costumes, directing, producing, sets – every aspect was amazing and I needed to see it a few more times again to study it all and how it came together. Some scenes I had completely forgotten – it had been a while. I wanted to see what effects were used and when; I wanted to watch the other actors and how they presented their characters; I needed to see it with Nelly and have her interpret her work and share her thoughts on the outcome.