‘Heath, that’s not so, and if you don’t know it, everyone else in the company does.’
He turned to look at me. ‘So I’ve got the reviewers in the palm of my hand as well?’
‘No.’
‘Right, so even if you somehow got a role because of me, you earned the review, didn’t you?’ he asked.
I nodded reluctantly, he was right about that.
He took a long breath and exhaled. ‘Okay, I understand.’
‘You do?’ I smiled, relieved. ‘Thank you, Heath. We can talk every night and we can catch up on any days we both get off either in London or here, or I can come to you in Oxford, it’s a quick journey,’ I said, gushing.
But Heath shook his head. ‘You need to do what your soul tells you to do, I understand that. But as for us, the separation won’t work Cathy, we’ll just grow apart.’
‘What! We won’t,’ I stammered. ‘Trust me, Heath.’
We sat in silence, cocooned in our hideout as the wind and rain wailed around us. And then Heath nodded.
‘Okay, we’ll do this your way but … if you don’t want out—'
‘I don’t,’ I quickly interjected.
‘—then be careful.’
I didn’t really know what he meant but I nodded, not wanting to push the mood into darker tones. I squeezed his hand and breathed with relief.
But I could tell from Heath’s expression that the storm was not outside, it was inside with us, in our hearts, battering our spirits and this was only the edge of the tempest.
Chapter 6– The nightmare
Outside a gale was blowing, rattling the window panes, rapping to get in. I liked the wind. I liked the way it filled your head with noise and sometimes you couldn’t think for the howling, but I’ve grown up with it, not everyone was a fan. You can’t live in our village and not be a friend of the wind – some days it whistled, some days it roared, and since Heath left – the wind sounded as if it moaned. I lay in bed waiting to fall asleep. I wanted to pick up my phone and check my messages again but I wasn’t going to because I did that ten minutes ago. Nope, I’m sleeping, any minute now. You are feeling sleepier…
It was my first night truly alone in my Wuthering Heights apartment. There had always been Mum, Dad, Hindley or Heath here, but now, in this huge apartment, I was alone. Sure, Lockwood and my other neighbours were on the other side of the building but I couldn’t see or hear them. I may as well be alone in the whole building. Heath left first thing in the morning. He said he had auditions starting in Oxford the next day and had to get settled. I knew he just needed out, he was hurt and angry and scared of what he might say, or what I might say.
‘Lockwood’s here for another few days if you need anything,’ he told me. I nodded. Still looking out for me even when he’s pissed off at me.
Lockwood had scored a four-week stagehand contract with Heath’s next play and then he was going to visit Nelly and me in London and crash with us for a few days. I was heading to London mid-week, meeting Nelly to move into the small two-bedroom apartment that we had rented for six months in Bethnal Green. It was a little more than we wanted to spend, but we had enough for the first three months and we were expecting to get work – we’ll be busking or borrowing if we don’t! Nelly’s dad was happy to employ her to do social media for his business if she needed dollars, so having his company listed as an employer nailed the lease.
Saying goodbye to Heath was terrible, worse for me as the one left behind; it was always worse for the one left behind.
When Heath left, I held him but he was rigid, his face bore no emotion – it was just this mask of control and calmness. I kissed him with all the passion I could muster so he would feel it in his bones, but he pulled away first.
‘Keep the doors locked at night, be careful driving to London,’ he had said. I nodded, wanting him to say a lot more than that. And then he drove off in his convertible, music on, a determined look on his face. I came back in and closed the door to my empty home. I was tempted to get in the car and go straight to London, but I can do this. I wanted to experience standing on my own two feet, so just do it, Catherine, I coached myself.
After a night of updating and researching my potential agents' list and binging on TV dramas, I went to bed. Heath and I messaged – I wanted to know he was there safely and he said he was.
He was there, and here was I, separated for the first time. Ever.
Chapter 7– The storm without
Oh my God!A loud howl of wind rattled the window. My heart was hammering in my chest after that. I’d never heard these noises before because Heath was always here, and Hindley and Dad before him. Shadows of the tree branches were playing across the ceiling like a re-enactment from a fairy tale and not a good one – one with witches and evil that preys on girls who were lying in their bedroom alone. I know these trees intimately, I’ve climbed them all over the years, so they shouldn’t be ganging up on me.
Come back to me, Heath. I’m pathetic.
No, harden up, princess, I scolded myself.
Heath, you’re never far from my mind. It’s cold tonight, what was your room like? Are you sleeping? Are you warm? Are you planning now to leave me or will you wait for me?