‘Your stepbrother,’ I reminded him. ‘Hindley was always threatening to kill you. I was so scared he would succeed.’
Heath pulled me closer. ‘I would have fought until my last breath just to stay with you. Truth be known, it’s a wonder Hindley and I didn’t kill each other – a fight to the end.’
‘That’s what Mum used to say,’ I revealed.
His eyebrows shot up. ‘That so. No wonder she wasn’t keen on me sticking around.’
I could have said she loved him and defended her, but he was right. Mum never liked the disruption that Heath brought to the house; she rued the day that Dad brought him home. I thought about my poor ‘real’ brother, Hindley—blood brother—unlike Heath who was no relation except by adoption. Hindley was the poster guy forlivefast,play hard,and dieyoung. Too drunk to drive, he totalled the new car he got for his birthday and snuff, it was all over that fast.
I didn’t realise Heath had been watching me. He must have guessed what I was thinking, who I was thinking about, and he sucked in a breath and changed the subject.
‘I miss this air when we are not here.’
‘Me too. Fresh and dry,’ I closed my eyes and inhaled. I could be led here blindfolded from anywhere in the world and pick it first go asmymoors.
‘I miss the green and space,’ Heath continued. ‘I couldn’t bear to live in a city forever, away from this.’
‘We were so lucky to grow up here.’ I broke free from him and kept walking. I crossed a small brook that bubbled over the rocks at our feet. The hours I had spent here with my feet in the water acting out parts and reading my books, I knew every rock by size and shape.
Heath followed me across the brook with one easy long stride.
‘You’re about to leave, aren’t you?’ he asked.
I snapped to look at him. How could he know? Did Nelly tell him? He studied me for a moment and then walked on, not asking anything more or waiting for an answer.
I hurried to catch up with Heath who glanced back and waited for me. My stomach churned but we kept walking, soon arriving at the village which was packed with a weekend crowd. We had our favourite place and they knew us. Our coffees were being made without us even having to order.
Once seated I took a deep breath and hesitantly studied Heath. His face was unreadable, his jaw was locked and I could tell from his eyes he was anticipating pain. He turned from me and then taking a deep breath, returned his attention to me. It was so much harder because he was all the family I had in the world and I was the only true family he had.
‘What’s going on?’ he asked and reached across the table for my hand. ‘Are you still pissed off I turned down Linton’s film?’
I shook my head. ‘No, of course not. Why would you think that?’
He shrugged. ‘Since we finishedCat on Hot Tin Roofand started onHenry VI,something’s shifted, you’re …discontent,’ he lowered his voice. ‘You look at me differently.’
Straight to it then, I had practised this. I can do this.
‘Not because I was angry at you or didn’t respect your decision. But your conviction about what you wanted, made me think about my future. What I wanted … instead of just going along.’
‘What did you come up with?’ he asked.
‘I’m not going to audition for the next play,’ I said. I just put it out there.Phew.
His dark eyes ran over my face and he gave me the hint of a smile.
‘That’s it? That’s okay, you have to do what you like and Shakespeare isn’t your favourite, I know,’ he said, and sat back as his coffee was placed in front of him. We thanked Jess, our waitress. ‘So which production are you going to try out for?’
He raised his coffee to his lips and when I didn’t answer immediately, he looked up at me. Then he knew what was coming because he knew me. He lowered his cup.
‘No, Cathy,’he groaned.
I leant forward and began to talk too fast, laying all my justifications at his feet.
‘Heath, you’ve got a role, you will always have a leading role with the company and you are doing what you love. Me, I want to, I mean Ineedto try something different.’
He was frozen waiting for me to say the inevitable – that I was leaving. I continued, getting my prepared speech completely out of order. God, I must have rehearsed this one hundred times.
‘You have been my entire life. From age six to 25, every milestone of my life has been with you – my birthdays, my first kiss at 16, my first love, my high school graduation, losing my virginity to you at 17, the most important moments of my life have all been with you.’ I drew a breath. ‘Heath you will never know how much I love you and that is not because you’re handsome—’ I said, and he lowered his head and smiled, ‘—but because you are more myself than I am.’